Sunday, June 17, 2018

Here are the best Kidz Bop lyrics to popular songs

We can thank our parents (or not) for this: The Kidz Bop Kids have been gracing us with their off-key renditions of the most popular songs on the radio for 15 years. As time has progressed, so too has the language of music, particularly with the increasing use of words and situations not suitable for the tender young ears the Kidz are targeting. Some songs are just too much (you won't be hearing a Kidz Bop rendition of Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines or Beyoncé's Partition any time soon) but some, with minor tweaking, are still Kidz Boppable.

Now that we're in high school, those tweaks can seem pretty funny, or ridiculous, depending on the warm spot you have in your memory of Mom popping a CD in the car player on the way home from gymnastics. Here are just a few examples of some of the best Kidz Bop lyric edits from the Kidz Bop catalog, including Kidz Bop 25, which was released last week and features Ylvis' The Fox, Miley Cyrus' Wrecking Ball (my personal favorite from the album; maybe it will make up for her snub by the Grammys), 1D's Best Song Ever and that weird radio techno version of Lana Del Rey's Summertime Sadness.

Royals — Lorde

The Kidz clean up the hotel room a bit, changing "blood stains" to "grass stains" and "Grey Goose" to "Gold Goose." Kidz don't like blood or vodka.

Thrift Shop — Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Bop version: "Walk up in the club like 'What up? I got a hit song!' " The sheer ridiculousness of this version challenges the ridiculousness of the original's (uncensored) video. The obvious radio edits of the song remain, and the rest of the changes deal mostly with making the Kidz "really awesome." Their thrift shop purchases don't smell like R. Kelly's sheets but rather like their "baseball cleats." Ewwww!

Gangnam Style — Psy

Bop version: The lyrics sound like they might have been performed in the original Korean, hard really to tell. The lady is no longer "sexy" in this version, just simply "lady."

Beverly Hills — Weezer

The car is upgraded from "crap" to "junk," and they didn't bother to change the rest of the lyrics to match the rhyme. I don't remember Radio Disney ever changing it, so you can seen where the Kidz stand on the racy spectrum.

I Love It — Icona Pop

Crises were averted in this version, as "you drove your car across a bridge," rather than crashing into it. The Kidz now probably aren't even '90s kids, suggested by their proclamation "You're from the '70s, but I'm a Kidz Bop Kid!" Try not to puke.

Glamorous — Fergie

The Bop version: "If you ain't got no money, take your broke self home!" Somehow this sounds sassier than the original noun referring to a braying farm animal or part of the body. Flyin' first class, away from the peasants. Flossy, flossy.

The Edge of Glory — Lady Gaga

The Bop version: "There ain't a reason you and me should dance alone tonight … I got a reason that you're who should hang with me tonight." And pretty much the rest of the song is toned down for a nice night out at the G-rated skating rink. They're Kidz, apparently, just not Lil Monsters.

Set Fire to the Rain — Adele

"Until you kissed my lips, and you saved me" is changed to "Until you held my hand." Sorry, Kidz, no first base for you.

Just Give Me a Reason — Pink and Nate Ruess

Kidz Bop throws this song straight into the friend zone, removing any shred of a hint of romance between the singers. "And I, your willing person" is kind of a weird switch, as is "I let you know the parts of me," rather than "seeing" them, and "talks" fixed them, rather than a "touch." The whole thing is weird and awkward, much like the end of a relationship, so to each his own.

Makes Me Wonder — Maroon 5

The super explicit first verse is changed a lot, and actually keeps none of the overall message, which is nice if you're more into crying from being lied to than crying from, like happiness or something. They did not change "I was so high" in This Love though, so there isn't really a formula to predict what these Kidz are going to do.

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