New movies this week
Stand Up Guys
The gist: Three old criminals finally age enough that they can make fun of legendary acting careers full of mafia tropes and wiseguy roles. Just what you need after being in prison for 28 years. R
The cast: Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, Alan Arkin, Julianna Margulies, Katheryn Winnick and Mark Margolis.
The buzz: A fairly unfunny comedy, and a fairly tension-free drama. "Veering between buddy movie and action-thriller, Stand Up Guys is a mildly raunchy, modestly entertaining geriatric comedy," Variety says.
Bullet to the head
The gist: A comic-book movie about a hitman and a cop who join forces to take revenge on their partners' killers. Wait, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger have bad action movies being released within a couple weeks of each other? What is this, 1987?? R
The cast: Stallone, Sung Kang, Sarah Shahi, Jason Momoa, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and Christian Slater.
The buzz: Sounds like fun, if you're into pointless violence and action. And who isn't? "A hard-hitting exercise in beefy, brainless fun," The Hollywood Reporter says, but not in a bad way.
The gist: A zompocalypse movie in which one of the zombies falls in love with a human girl who rekindles some of his humanity. That gives the term "love bites" a whole new meaning. PG-13
The cast: Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, Rob Corddry, John Malkovich, Dave Franco and Analeigh Tipton.
The buzz: “Warm Bodies offers a welcome twist on the living-dead canon, even if the decidedly femme-skewed results ignore pretty much every rule of the genre," Variety says. Written like a true nerdlinger!
Girls Against Boys
The gist: A college student and her coworker have had enough of being tormented by men, so they do the natural thing and go on a killing spree in true I Spit On Your Grave style. But then they up the trashiness when one woman becomes obsessed with the other. What is this, 1978? R
The cast: Danielle Panabaker, Nicole LaLiberte, Liam Aiken, Michael Stahl-David and Andrew Howard.
The buzz: No reviews yet, but when we can compare the plot to I Spit On Your Grave, that's not a good sign.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org