New movies this week
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
The gist: What would happen if the fairy-tale children grew up and became vigilantes? They get into a whole heap of trouble, and make a terrible-looking movie. Wait, we thought that's what Natural Born Killers was about. R
The cast: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Peter Stormare, Ingrid Bolsø Berdal and Thomas Mann.
The buzz: When your movie features awesome C-listers like Janssen and Stormare, you're in deep. No previews for this one, backing up that theory.
The gist: A Jason Statham movie, this time set in Palm Beach. The locations are really the only thing that change in his movies. Count on shirtless fighting, improvised weaponry, some kind of convoluted crime caper and nasty rich people getting their comeuppance. R
The cast: Statham, Jennifer Lopez, Clifton Collins Jr.
The buzz: Another one with hardly any previews. But then, if you've seen The Transporter, Crank, The Transporter 2, Crank: High Voltage, Safe, Killer Elite, Blitz, The Transporter 3, The Bank Job or any other Statham joint, this one won't be much different.
The gist: Three young Internet surfers ramble through a series of interconnected short films on their way to finding the most banned movie in the world. Silly children, we all know that's Kim Kardashian's sex tape, because nobody will admit to seeing it. R
The cast: Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Kate Winslet, Common, Seth MacFarlane, Hugh Jackman, Naomi Watts, Emma Stone and Richard Gere.
The buzz: Again, no reviews this week. Surely they at least had some commenters trolling the review aggregators this week …
The gist: Three musicians in a retirement home are surprised to learn the latest resident is their star singer, who dumped them all (including one to whom she was married) on her meteoric rise as a solo artist. She probably shouldn't try the Jell-O anytime soon. PG-13
The cast: Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay, Billy Connolly and Pauline Collins.
The buzz: Finally, something with reviews! And good reviews, too. "Dustin Hoffman's directorial debut is simply an old-fashioned charmer, relying on the considerable talents and charms of its seasoned British cast to win you over," the Arizona Republic says.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org