New movies this week
G.I. Joe: Retribution
The gist: This sequel to the 1980s iteration of the story line about a special-forces group battling a global terrorist organization still manages to make that premise seem absurd. It woulda come out last year, but Paramount insisted on filming more scenes with increasingly popular former stripper and one-time Tampa resident Channing Tatum. PG-13
The cast: Tatum, Bruce Willis, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, D.J. Cotrona, Adrianne Palicki, Byung-hun Lee and Ray Park.
The buzz: The first one was terrible, and sequels have a habit of being even worse. "People may flock to G.I. Joe: Retaliation despite its inert illogic," the Washington Post says. "But don't say you weren't warned. As a wise man once said, 'knowing is half the battle.' "
The gist: The lady who wrote Twilight came up with this tale about a woman fighting back against the aliens who have invaded human beings' minds so she can have a kissyface scene with some hunky dude. The Korean monster movie of the same name is probably much more your boyfriend's speed. PG-13
The cast: Saoirse Ronan, Max Irons, Jake Abel, Chandler Canterbury and Diane Kruger.
The buzz: Well, did you think Twilight was any good? "We're treated to the bizarre spectacle of Ronan arguing with herself repeatedly over which guy to kiss. But since both are similarly bland, it barely matters," the New York Daily News says.
Tyler Perry's Temptation
The gist: A romance movie from the ubiquitous writer/director/producer/actor with nary a Madea in sight. Between this and Alex Cross, he'd better be careful not to alienate his fanbase. PG-13
The cast: Jurnee Smollett-Bell, Lance Gross, Vanessa L. Williams, Kim Kardashian and Robbie Jones.
The buzz: Perry never previews these things. He previewed Alex Cross, and look where that got him.
On the Road
The gist: Jack Kerouac's Sal Paradise and Dean Moriarty wander across the country in a desperate attempt to create a misguided road trip that people will try to emulate, interpret and recreate for decades. Hint for kids just reading the book: This country don't exist no more. R
The cast: Garrett Hedlund, Sam Riley, Kristen Stewart, Kirsten Dunst, Viggo Mortensen and Amy Adams.
The buzz: Depends on how you feel about the novel, critics say. "On the Road is something of a sprawling mess, but then so is the novel," the San Francisco Chronicle reasons.
— Joshua Gillin firstname.lastname@example.org