Mostly Cloudy79° FULL FORECASTMostly Cloudy79° FULL FORECAST
Make us your home page
Instagram
1276654 2038-01-18 05:00:00.0 UTC 2038-01-18T00:00:00.000-05:00 2013-02-27 08:30:00.0 UTC 2013-02-27T03:30:00.000-05:00 review-jack-the-giant-slayer-not-worth-a-hills-of-beans published 2013-02-28 18:42:57.0 UTC 2013-02-28T13:42:57.000-05:00 things-to-do/movies DTI 103752505 By Steve Persall Times Movie Critic Twisting a familiar bedtime story like a beanstalk, Jack the Giant Slayer possesses the same sedating qualities. That might be a compliment if Bryan Singer's version were a picture book but it's a movie, and a dingy 3-D movie at that — Clash of the Titans dingy without much of the action that at least made that misbegotten myth bearable. Singer (Superman Returns) doesn't know what he wants to make of Jack and his beanstalk fairy tale. The movie isn't rambunctious enough to occupy children for two hours, nor violent enough to earn the "slayer" part of its video game-era title change. It's somewhere in the middle, in a muddle of tame Game of Thrones intrigue, Renaissance fair costuming and uninspired CGI. Paraphrasing the giant: Fee fi ho hum. Actually there's an army of giants here, some more squatty or squinty than others but still interchangeable unless they have a second head growing out of a shoulder like their general Fallon (voice of Bill Nighy). Fallon does smell the blood of an Englishman but nobody's bones are ground to make anyone's bread. Instead, the Englishman, a bland knight named Elmont (Ewan McGregor) gets rolled into a tortilla of sorts, next to real pigs in dough blankets. That's the extent of the movie's humor. Jack (Nicholas Hoult) is a dreamy teen in a medieval hoodie whose plague-dead dad used to read him bedtime tales of giants and slayers. Jack never imagined he'd be a slayer himself, and technically he isn't. Unless you count dropping a bee hive into a giant's helmet, causing painful, blinding stings that send the beast over a cliff. Umm, slayer? More like Jack the giant punker. He's matched in giant-slaying inexperience by princess Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson) whose father King Brahmwell (Ian McShane) can't keep this damsel out of distress. That's why Elmont's on the case, after Isabelle is captured by gargantuans in dire need of baths and a good moisturizer. There's a fleeting hint of a romantic triangle with Jack but like everything else in the script, it's disposable. Ah, but the search for Isabelle up a sky-tall beanstalk — growing not from magic beans but "holy relics" according to the monk ripping off Jack — is an excuse for palace skullduggery. The king's right-hand worm Roderick (Stanley Tucci) seeks possession of a magic crown to make himself master of the giants, so he can conquer kingdoms. Tucci understands the screenplay hollowness, giving himself the hammy death scene he once spoofed in The Imposters. Otherwise, there is no joy whatsoever in Singer's fantasy, no Princess Bride farce or Kraken-sized action in its behemoth scrums. Jack the Giant Slayer is merely cable TV fodder waiting to happen and not worth a hill of beans, magic or otherwise. Steve Persall can be reached at persall@tampabay.com or (727) 893-8365. Follow @StevePersall on Twitter. By Steve Persall, Times Movie Critic things-to-do, Movies, date night, review, top-news, tbt Review: 'Jack the Giant Slayer' not worth a hill of beans By Steve Persall Ack! <i>The Giant Slayer</i> climbs no new territory, whether in story or in style. And actors are given little to work with. WEK Weekend-Fullrun This beanstalkshrivels <p><b>.&#9;Review</b></p><p><b>Jack the Giant Slayer</b></p><p><b>Director: </b>Bryan Singer</p><p><b>Cast: </b>Nicholas Hoult, Ewan McGregor, Eleanor Tomlinson, Stanley Tucci, Eddie Marsan, Ian McShane, Ewen Bremner, Simon Lowe, voice of Bill Nighy</p><p><b>Screenplay: </b>Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney</p><p><b>Rating:</b> PG-13; fantasy action violence, scary images</p><p><b>Running time: </b>114 min.</p><p>Grade: D</p><p></p> 5 wkjack022813 This beanstalkshrivels 2013-02-28 05:00:00.0 UTC 2013-02-28T00:00:00.000-05:00 1 Nicholas Hoult is Jack in Jack and the Giant Slayer. Hoult is best known as Hank McCoy (a.k.a. the Beast) in X-Men: First Class.&#65279; resources/images/dti/2013/02/wek_jack022813_10354344.jpg Warner Bros. resources/images/dti/rendered/2013/02/wek_jack022813_10354344_4col.jpgresources/images/dti/rendered/2013/02/wek_jack022813_10354344_8col.jpg true templatedata/tampabaytimes/StaffArticle/data/2013/02/27/103752505-review-jack-the-giant-slayer-not-worth-a-hills-of-beans StaffArticle things-to-do,date nightDate Nightthings-to-do,moviesMoviesBy Steve PersallTimes Movie CriticTwisting a familiar bedtime story like a beanstalk, Jack the Giant Slayer possesses the same sedating qualities. That might be a compliment if Bryan Singer's version were a picture book but it's a movie, and a dingy 3-D movie at that — Clash of the Titans dingy without much of the action that at least made that misbegotten myth bearable.things-to-do, Movies, date night, review, top-news, tbtthings-to-do, Movies, date night, review, top-news, tbtSteve Persall 380134 2038-01-18 05:00:00.0 UTC 2038-01-18T00:00:00.000-05:00 2012-10-25 12:37:46.0 UTC 2012-10-25T08:37:46.000-04:00 steve-persall published 2015-06-15 19:45:06.0 UTC 2015-06-15T15:45:06.000-04:00 Steve Persall <p>Steve Persall's movie reviews usually appear in Thursday's Weekend section but &mdash; like his columns, features and interviews &mdash; can pop up anywhere in the <i>Tampa Bay Times</i>, any day of the week. Persall was conceived behind a Tarpon Springs drive-in theater his father managed, making him practically born for this job. He lives in Clearwater with his wife, Dianne (a.k.a. the right side of his brain), and trusty dog, Mojo.</p> Times Movie Critic writers DTI 33745752 Steve Persall's movie reviews usually appear in Thursday's Weekend section but — like his columns, features and interviews — can pop up anywhere in the Tampa Bay Times, any day of the week. Persall was conceived behind a Tarpon Springs drive-in theater his father managed, making him practically born for this job. He lives in Clearwater with his wife, Dianne (a.k.a. the right side of his brain), and trusty dog, Mojo. <p>Phone: (727) 893-8365</p> <p>Email: <a href="mailto:spersall@tampabay.com">spersall@tampabay.com</a></p> <p>Twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/StevePersall">@StevePersall</a></p> 1 /resources/images/dti/2015/06/steve-persall_15330316.jpg true templatedata/tampabaytimes/AuthorProfile/data/33745752-steve-persall AuthorProfile 2012-10-25 12:37:46.0 UTC 2012-10-25T08:37:46.000-04:00 <span style="display:none;" class="author vcard"><span class="fn">STEVE PERSALL</span></span><span style="display:none;" class="source-org vcard"><span class="org fn">Tampa Bay Times</span></span><a rel="item-license" href="/universal/user_agreement.shtml">&#169; 2016 Tampa Bay Times</a><br /><br />Times Movie Critic 2266709 2016-02-25 15:00:00.0 UTC 6 Months Ago review-triple-9-is-a-giant-waste-of-acting-talent things-to-do/movies Review: 'Triple 9' is a giant waste of acting talent StaffArticle 2283283 2016-06-27 15:28:44.0 UTC 2 Months Ago review-the-bfg-is-visual-giant-but-emotionally-lacking things-to-do/movies Review: 'The BFG' is visual giant, but emotionally lacking StaffArticle 2289843 2016-08-17 16:50:20.0 UTC 2 Weeks Ago review-irreverent-war-dogs-splendidly-pairs-jonah-hill-and-miles-teller things-to-do/movies Review: Irreverent 'War Dogs' splendidly pairs Jonah Hill and Miles Teller StaffArticle <p><b>By Steve Persall</b></p> <p><i>Times Movie</i> Critic</p> <p>Twisting a familiar bedtime story like a beanstalk, Jack the Giant Slayer possesses the same sedating qualities. That might be a compliment if Bryan Singer's version were a picture book but it's a movie, and a dingy 3-D movie at that — <i>Clash of the Titans </i>dingy without much of the action that at least made that misbegotten myth bearable.</p> <p>Singer (<i>Superman Returns</i>) doesn't know what he wants to make of Jack and his beanstalk fairy tale. The movie isn't rambunctious enough to occupy children for two hours, nor violent enough to earn the &quot;slayer&quot; part of its video game-era title change. It's somewhere in the middle, in a muddle of tame <i>Game of Thrones</i> intrigue, Renaissance fair costuming and uninspired CGI.</p> <p>Paraphrasing the giant: Fee fi ho hum.</p> <p>Actually there's an army of giants here, some more squatty or squinty than others but still interchangeable unless they have a second head growing out of a shoulder like their general Fallon (voice of Bill Nighy). Fallon does smell the blood of an Englishman but nobody's bones are ground to make anyone's bread. Instead, the Englishman, a bland knight named Elmont (Ewan McGregor) gets rolled into a tortilla of sorts, next to real pigs in dough blankets. That's the extent of the movie's humor.</p> <p>Jack (Nicholas Hoult) is a dreamy teen in a medieval hoodie whose plague-dead dad used to read him bedtime tales of giants and slayers. Jack never imagined he'd be a slayer himself, and technically he isn't. Unless you count dropping a bee hive into a giant's helmet, causing painful, blinding stings that send the beast over a cliff. Umm, slayer? More like Jack the giant punker.</p> <p>He's matched in giant-slaying inexperience by princess Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson) whose father King Brahmwell (Ian McShane) can't keep this damsel out of distress. That's why Elmont's on the case, after Isabelle is captured by gargantuans in dire need of baths and a good moisturizer. There's a fleeting hint of a romantic triangle with Jack but like everything else in the script, it's disposable.</p> <p>Ah, but the search for Isabelle up a sky-tall beanstalk — growing not from magic beans but &quot;holy relics&quot; according to the monk ripping off Jack — is an excuse for palace skullduggery. The king's right-hand worm Roderick (Stanley Tucci) seeks possession of a magic crown to make himself master of the giants, so he can conquer kingdoms. Tucci understands the screenplay hollowness, giving himself the hammy death scene he once spoofed in <i>The Imposters</i>.</p> <p>Otherwise, there is no joy whatsoever in Singer's fantasy, no <i>Princess Bride</i> farce or Kraken-sized action in its behemoth scrums. <i>Jack the Giant Slayer</i> is merely cable TV fodder waiting to happen and not worth a hill of beans, magic or otherwise.</p> <p><i>Steve Persall can be reached at persall@tampabay.com or (727) 893-8365. Follow</i> @StevePersall on Twitter.</p>trueruntime2016-08-30 05:58:15