Sunday, December 17, 2017
Stage

Five jokes from Chelsea Handler, coming to Ruth Eckerd Hall

In the much-debated arena of late night television comedy hosts, at least one name tends to get left out of the conversation: Chelsea Handler.

Being on cable channel E! keeps Handler somewhat removed from the Fallon-Kimmel-Meyers-Colbert testosterone-off. But Handler has been steadily hosting her own late night comedy talk show since 2007, skewering pop culture and making raunchy sex jokes with a rotating roundtable of funny folks.

The comic, author and actor is taking her act on the road, stopping at Ruth Eckerd Hall on Friday in support of her fifth book, Uganda Be Kidding Me. Ben Gleib, a regular guest on Chelsea Lately, will open.

Here are five of Handler's jokes to prep you on her style of caustic comedy that shreds conventions of how women are supposed to act. And, alright. Maybe the guys can come, too.

"I have a question. Do you guys think it's OK to drink while you're pregnant, if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?"

"You don't run into ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends when you're looking good and want to. Last time I ran into an ex-boyfriend was at 3 o'clock in the morning at Rite Aid. As I'm ringing up GasX and corn removers."

"I spent the day in bed with my life partner again. Her name is Ketel One."

"Having a baby is a huge responsibility. It's like a 5-year commitment and you need to be ready for it. I don't like people who had babies and act like they did something the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies."

"I don't like these brides, and they go and register for their own gifts. Who decided it was OK to pick out your own gifts? And then they act surprised when they get the gift and write you a thank-you letter like, 'Oh my God, thank you so much for your thoughtful gift. How did you know? It's like, b----, you picked it out, that's how I knew, OK? I typed in your name and a ceiling fan came up."

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