How to put this as gently as possible? Apparently the Florida Department of Citrus wants to rid itself of its current mascot, a cutesy-wootsy, pudgy, smiling orange, on the theory the image suggests obesity.
Replacing Ollie the Orange will be a musclebound superhero dubbed Captain Citrus, leaving the impression that if you drink enough OJ you will be turned into an over-ripe freak of nature....
Among the three great lies certainly must be the youth baseball coach insisting, "We're all here to just have fun," the response to "Does this dress make me look fat?" and the claim from a parent about to whip a child: "This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you." Piffle.
In theory we should be considered an advanced society. Technology abounds. Medicine makes great strides. We've sent humans to the moon....
See Ike beat the Nazis?
See Ike become president?
See Ike build the interstate highway system?
Ike was a nice man. Ike was a great general. Ike was a very good president.
And there you have it in Paul Johnson's fawning, glowing air-kiss to the 34th president, Eisenhower: A Life, which at a mere 123 pages (not including the index) reads more like a resume than a serious examination of one of the more interesting and certainly underrated figures to recently occupy the Oval Office....
How fitting that House Republicans somehow managed to find a scintilla of time away from their work sclerotic to squeeze in a few moments to hear from former Vice President Dick Cheney for a pep talk on Babel-rattling.
After an all-too-brief five-week vacation away from Washington, members of Congress returned to the oppressive grind of their job to undertake a brutal schedule of about seven legislative work days before they will take most of the rest of the year off....
This certainly ought to clear up any confusion anyone had over the Greenlight Pinellas transit referendum: Randal O'Toole has spoken his two bits.
Actually it was $500 worth of bits to get O'Toole to conclude Greenlight Pinellas would be a pox on humanity. The November referendum would create a one-cent sales tax to dramatically expand bus service and begin a 24-mile light rail line throughout the county. If it passes, the Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority will eliminate the property tax it collects....
In his long and distinguished 28-year career as a member of the Tampa Police Department, John Newman pretty much did it all — patrol duties, undercover work, detective and high-ranking member of Chief Jane Castor's administration. Newman was a cop's cop.
But Newman may well find himself facing his ultimate nemesis: the Hillsborough County School District. Busting drug rings will seem like a Roman Holiday compared to dealing with an often fractious, bickering, sniping Hillsborough School Board....
They traipse in one after another looking like conquering heroes or sheep being led to the slaughter. I have a soft spot for them all — even the ones who are wrong on just about everything.
This is election season, which means candidates, or ripe fodder depending on a columnist's snarky point of view, make their way to a meeting with the Tampa Bay Times editorial board seeking the newspaper's recommendation....
09/08/14 Human Interest
“Do you prefer a cliff, or water?" asked the owner of the lovely hotel at the foot of Mount Olympus.
It was an important question. A question of life and, more profoundly, death.
Several years earlier an elderly Aunt Mary had asked her niece, my wife, Angela, if, when the time came, we could spread her ashes on Greece's iconic mountain. And now the time had come.
Yes, a cliff would be rather nice....
Perhaps you aspire to fame and fortune, the chance to walk the red carpet at the Oscars to the cooing of adoring fans and to have gossip columnists taking note that you were seen spooling pasta at Wolfgang Puck's while canoodling with another international sex symbol.
Career planning — it's a wonderful thing.
But as with all matters of the cult of celebrity, there is a cautionary tale....
There are at least 11,630 crime stories in the "Naked City" of Waldo. Unfortunately, all of them are boring and about the same.
This was hardly a "Stop the presses!" "Get me rewrite, baby!" Johnny Deadline scoop of the century when a group of Waldo Police Department officers fessed up to what thousands of motorists, AAA, Interpol and the Visiting Nurses Association already knew.
Yes, it's true — the Waldo constabulary has indeed been acting under strict orders to fulfill speeding ticket quotas. No! Really?...
Let the lame begin. For we who are about to sigh refute you.
Here's the most pressing question of the 2014 campaign for governor. By the time election day arrives Nov. 4, after being inundated with negative commercials, how many of us will be reduced to basket cases curled up in fetal positions?
This isn't going to be a campaign pitting incumbent Republican Gov. Rick Scott against former Republican governor-turned-Democrat Charlie Crist. The hyper-brainwashing propaganda about to hit the airwaves is going make The Manchurian Candidate look like Sesame Street....
In his time as a civil servant, Roger Stewart's business card may well have indicated his official position as the director of Hillsborough County's Environmental Protection Commission. In reality, he was actually the community's professional (and quite effective, too) pain-in-the-tuches.
At the time of his death a few days ago at 89, Stewart had been out of the public eye since his retirement as the head of the EPC 14 years ago. That is a great shame, especially today with Florida led by a governor who has never met a growth management law he didn't want to pave over....
You might remember the scene a few days ago when Florida Gov. Rick Scott grudgingly relented and sat down with a group of scientists for a briefing on the effects of climate change, mankind's role in the looming environmental crisis and what might be done to help the state avoid being turned into a giant flume ride in the not-too-distant future.
A pained Scott looked like a teenager, albeit bald, being sent to detention hall. He sat for 30 minutes listening to the experts before exiting the room without asking a meaningful question. Fearful of losing the Luddite vote, Scott has assiduously run away from all things remotely linked to science — because no good politically comes from spending time with people who know what they are talking about....
Surely there must be an underling, an apparatchik, perhaps a factotum or two within the Get Smart labyrinth of Rick Scott's inner sanctum who could gently remind him he is the governor of Florida and not the high commissar of SMERSH.
At the rate the Scott politburo is operating in secret, the state motto ought to be: "The Kumquat Barks at Midnight."
It should have been a tipoff early on that Scott's reign would look like the Skull and Bones society meets The Da Vinci Code when the governor proudly announced he intended his administration to be an unprecedented "transparent window into how state government works."...
There are some facts and figures in life we probably don't really need to know: like when we're going to die, or how long the brother-in-law intends to stay at the house, or perhaps the final tally for the remodeled bathroom that began as a sink installation and wound up resembling one of Saddam Hussein's palace loos.
Now comes a recent U.S. Agriculture Department report titled, "Expenditures on Children and Families," which notes that by the time Muffin or Skippy turns 18, the average middle-class family will have spent (sit down for this) $230,610 raising the little dickens....