There's an old joke: You don't buy beer. You rent it.
And that serves as a pretty good explanation for what happened to Tampa suds impresario Joey Redner, who proved that on the road of good imbibing intentions occasionally one finds oneself metaphorically covered in … well, let's leave it at that.
Redner owns the widely respected Cigar City Brewery in Drew Park, a business that has steadily gained an international following for its lovingly crafted beers. ...
Of this much we can be reasonably certain. Considering its shortcomings, this rather unfair North Florida hamlet's motto ought to be: "You're Unwelcomed in Hampton — A Town Without Probity."
It's quite an accomplishment when a municipality has become such a cesspool of corruption, cronyism, mismanagement, duplicity and downright venal idiocy as to attract the ire of the Florida Legislature, which has never been confused with Athenian democracy. This itsy-bitsy city has managed to offend the Legislature's faux ethics over a tiny cabal of yahoos stuffing their pockets by ripping off innocent dupes....
So, how should we refer to the winner of Tuesday's special congressional election to succeed the late Rep. Bill Young?
Landslide Jolly? Certainly not Mandate Dave.
Since Tuesday night the airwaves have been alive with the sound of musing over just what Republican David Jolly's defeat of Democrat Alex Sink means for the future of civilization as we know it.
Is Obamacare doomed? Is this a foreshadowing of the implosion of the Democratic Party come the November midterm elections? Was this campaign a stark reminder of the power of unaccountable, opaque third-party political action committees spending unfettered amounts of money? ...
Here's the good news. I've just read all 405 pages of HRC: State Secrets and the Rebirth of Hillary Clinton so you won't have to waste your time.
Consider that: A) there are virtually no secrets revealed in this book, and B) the term "rebirth" would suggest Hillary Clinton's ascendency to the presidency is all but a matter of Manifest Destiny, when a more sober-minded assessment might conclude that her candidacy, much less her nomination, remains, at best, problematic....
For years, Ed Glazer has lived in the shadow of his sibling rugrats, Spanky and Alfalfa, as they hogged all the glory in running those Butterflies of Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
It has generally been Ed, when he wasn't playing jacks in his office, who was widely credited with inventing all the excitement and feverish bacchanalia in the stands at Helloooooo Sucker Stadium whenever the Daisies of Dale Mabry moved the ol' pigskin into (cue the Gladiator theme) the RED ZONE!!!! ...
You don't need to be Matlock to realize that in this potential courtroom drama St. Petersburg College is probably going to lose.
After all, the college would be arguing for campus safety, common sense and the need to preserve a modicum of academic freedom free of yahoo-esque intimidation.
But this is Florida, the Gunshine State, which has adopted a Deadwood-like mind-set that one must be fully armed 24 hours a day in case some brigand with evil intent sits in front of you in a movie theater, or the Agenda 21 crowd descends from the black helicopters....
Well, we're all about to have some way big fun now!
If all goes according to plan, within a year or so Tarpon Springs will be home to one of the biggest indoor gun ranges in the Southeast.
The Reload Gun Range calls for a 57,533-square-foot building that will house 45 various shooting ranges from 100 yards all the way down to 15-yard distances for gun-happy Floridians to hone their "stand your ground" skills bumping off teenagers playing music too loudly or feloniously walking through apartment complexes armed with ice tea and Skittles, or perhaps exacting justice on people who — with full premeditation — dare to text their child's babysitter while sitting in a movie theater....
To you, dearly beloved gentle reader, it might appear that today marks the beginning of the Florida Legislature's annual 60-day session in which our dedicated elected public servants gather to make life better for one and all across the state regardless of race, creed, gender or economic status.
Isn't that quaint, in a McGuffey Reader sort of way?
Forgive a pinch of cynicism, but you might be better off regarding the next nine weeks of stupid that are about to commence as more along the lines of "Eight Years a Knave."...
Winston Churchill once wryly observed in referring to his imperious, difficult ally Charles de Gaulle that of all the crosses he had to bear during World War II none was more burdensome than the Cross of Lorraine.
You have to suspect that whenever the Hillsborough County School Board meets, superintendent MaryEllen Elia peers over at her nemesis, board member April Griffin, and thinks: "This is going to be another bumpy night."...
Here is a little-known fact that ought to qualify Clearwater Mayor George Cretekos to hold on to the job in perpetuity.
The Cretekos family tree includes the great opera diva Maria Callas.
You'll recall that in her lifetime Callas was the paramour of a fabulously rich Greek shipping magnate who was cruelly indifferent to her emotional needs, frequently abusive and otherwise acted like an insufferable bully....
You are traveling through a another dimension — a dimension of sound (cue crinkling dollar bills), a dimension of sight (cue a martini), a dimension of mind (cue an empty vessel). You have just entered "The Tallahassee Zone."
Oh, the terror of it all.
Perhaps you are wondering how it was possible for Deloitte Consulting, a company that was awarded $63 million in taxpayer dollars to create a state unemployment benefits website, to turn out to be as efficient as Lucille Ball on a candy wrapper assembly line. ...
Memo to: Mr. Michael Williams, the Playboy of Lutz
From: The Avila Property Owners' Association
Re: Update on Rules & Regulations
Dear Mr. Williams,
Please let this missive serve as a warm welcome to our gated, chi-chi, hotsy-totsy, insanely upscale neighborhood. All the best for the coming Tampa Bay Buccaneer season in which we sincerely hope you manage to catch more than 22 passes for an electrifying 212 yards, or about $327,000 per reception....
If there is necessary arcane skill intrinsic to running any form of government it is having civil servants expertly trained in the high arts of graphs, flow charts and organizational tables.
And thus the latest draft of a proposed proposal of a concept relating to an idea loosely connected to an initiative concerning the future of the city's very own ruin-in-waiting — the Pier — has plopped on the desk of St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman....
There came a point as Citizens Property Insurance president and CEO Barry Gilway droned on about the international insurance market, CAT bonds, HO3 policies, loss ratios and Florida domestics when I began to feel like Laurence Harvey's poor brainwashed prisoner of war in The Manchurian Candidate.
Gilway, who met this week with the Tampa Bay Times editorial board, waxed euphoric over Citizens' success in pushing policyholders off on fly-by-night concerns like Big Stinky's Sticky Ribs and Property Insurance. Then I was snapped out of my catatonic state when he suggested he wants the company to become the Mr. Rogers of insurance....
Reader alert. This column is about to take issue with one of Hillsborough County's most literal sacred cows.
A simple question. Now that it is, thankfully, over, do we really need the annual tribute to a heart attack on a stick, otherwise known as the Florida State Fair?
This year's fair ended with about 40,000 fewer people attending the event. It ended with the death of a 14-year-old boy. It ended with a night in which some 200 youths disrupted the fair running through the midway fighting, stealing food and otherwise acting like complete dopes as law enforcement seemed incapable of maintaining security. Best of all, it ended....