MARK YOUR CALENDARS and shield the children. This week marks the start of the annual gathering of Tallahassee's lobster bibs of public servants, who for 60 days will burn the midnight oil to fulfill their mandate to roll over for Florida's special interests to better ensure a generous fuzzy-wuzzy tummy rub.
Aren't they adorable?
But before the hard work of serving the lobbyists, the capital's statesmen of sushi will gather for a presession soiree put on by the Associated Industries of Florida, in which untold numbers of canapes will be sacrificed in the name of good government....
Brother, can you spare a measly, lousy, stinking 10 minutes?
That's the bargain basement Kmart Blue Light Special going rate for participatory democracy. Too much? Too steep? Too tough?
Maybe so. At least that's the opinion of grizzled politicians like Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn, who mused the other day that the anticipated voter turnout in Tuesday's City Council elections is likely to be somewhere in the high teens. He expects fewer than 2 of every 10 registered city voters to cast ballots....
If this well gets poisoned any further, the relationship between the Tampa Bay Rays and the St. Petersburg City Council is going to make the Ukraine dustup look like a neighborly spat over a borrowed lawn mower.
Recently the council jibber-jabbered about finding a way to help underwrite a new Rays stadium somewhere in the city, which, if you think about it, might help resolve the Pier renovation debate, too. The council also remains reticent about signing off on a proposed memorandum of understanding between the team and Mayor Rick Kriseman, which would allow the Rays to investigate possible stadium sites in both Pinellas and Hillsborough counties....
By all accounts, it would seem when she wed Jeb Bush more than 40 years ago, a very young Columba Garnica Gallo didn't quite grasp she was marrying into a dynastic political machine, not to mention her whimsical brother-in-law George's penchant for wedgies.
But she certainly understands the family business now.
As the former Florida governor prepares for an all-but-certain 2016 campaign for the White House, attention is also ramping up over one of the intangibles of any presidential run — the candidate's family and, especially, the quintessentially reticent and publicity-averse First Lady-In-Reluctant-Waiting....
Someone needs to remind Hillsborough County Court Judge Eric Myers that when someone appears before the bar of the court they are not there for a gin and tonic.
About the only things missing from this tale of torts gone awry are a lava lamp adorning Myers' chambers, with Barry White crooning Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe, bailiffs dressed as Chippendale dancers and the judge ditching the robes for a leisure suit. Velvet Elvis painting, optional....
Leave it to the National Rifle Association's Marion Hammer, the Martha Stewart of Smith & Wesson, to gin up faux hysteria over the debate to allow concealed weapons on the state's college campuses by suggesting ISIS is practically advancing on the gates of Florida State University's Doak Campbell Stadium.
"The plain truth," Hammer prevaricated, "is that campuses are not safe. They are gun-free zones where murderers, rapists, terrorists, crazies may commit crime without fear of being harmed by their victims."...
It came into this world at 11:21 a.m. on Feb. 16, 2011, a happy, bouncing bundle of hope and idealism. It died lonely, forgotten and neglected at 2:07 a.m. less than four months later, a victim of Tallahassee double standards and incumbent political tokus protection.
For the past several weeks, as disclosures have mounted over Gov. Rick Scott's abrupt dismissal of Florida Department of Law Enforcement Commissioner Gerald Bailey, questions have popped up about whether there is any way for voters to remove a Florida governor from office....
There probably hadn't been a gathering of pocket-protectors this big since Galileo last dined alone.
The American Association for the Advancement of Science recently held a conference in California and spent several days talking about slide-rule stuff most of us can't spell, much less comprehend.
That was until Douglas Vakoch decided to go all "Klaatu barada nikto" on everyone.
Vakoch is the director of interstellar message composition for the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence, which means he may be the only man in the country whose phone never rings. Think about a job where every night he gets home from the office and his wife asks him, "Anything happen at work today, honey?" and poor Vakoch has to say, "Not really."...
Who says there isn't a scintilla of scruples among Tallahassee's Great White Grifters?
After adjusting his halo for just the perfect fit, future Florida House Speaker Richard Corcoran took the bold Sir Thomas More position that nevermore will he condone members schlepping off to some godforsaken corner of Texas to blast away at unsuspecting critters courtesy of the state's all-too-sweet sugar industry interests....
If we all look back on our lives, no doubt we will recall moments when we engaged in some ill-considered behavior that thanks to the vagaries of fate resulted in only embarrassment or a bruised ego.
Austin Demauro was not so lucky.
The 15-year-old St. Petersburg youth was laid to rest days after a skateboarding stunt gone horribly awry. Sad. Tragic. Heart-breaking — and totally avoidable....
When a proposal was made to erect a monument on a state park honoring the 2,000 Union soldiers who died at the 1864 Battle of Olustee just west of Jacksonville, it didn't take long for Rep. Dennis Baxley to complain.
Baxley, a muckety-muck in the Sons of the Confederacy, contended last year that paying tribute to fallen patriots who defended their country in Florida's most deadly Civil War battle was a terrible idea, adding: "My biggest concern is that this is revisionist history and that these decisions are being made by park officials and not an elected body."...
Norman Lear was not only present at the creation of the Golden Age of Television in the 1950s, he was one of the key architects of broadcasting's second coming in the 1970s, leaving a legacy of creative energy, taboos broken and icons created that continues to define and challenge the medium to this day.
Not bad for a scrawny Jewish boy from Connecticut who initially only aspired to be a glib public relations executive. And it is that long journey from a dysfunctional, emotionally scarred childhood to the pinnacle of power and fame in Hollywood that Lear explores in his compelling autobiography, Even This I Get to Experience....
When the governor and Cabinet are in session, no American flag is safe from being used as a shroud of life, liberty and the pursuit of haplessness.
It was all so very amber waves as Gov. Rick Scott, Attorney General Pam Bondi, Agriculture Commissioner Adam Putnam and Chief Financial Officer Jeff Atwater assembled for a ceremony honoring the nation's veterans at the Florida State Fairgrounds last week before the start of their meeting, which would soon devolve into more cowering than Monty Python's Brave, Brave Sir Robin....
As the befuddled Hillsborough County School Board commences its search to replace the defrocked Superintendent MaryEllen Elia, members might well recall Oliver Hardy's admonition of his hapless partner, Stan Laurel: "Here's another nice mess you've gotten me into."
There's an old line we've probably all heard from our parents: "Never quit a job unless you have another one already lined up," sound advice the School Board failed to heed when they canned Elia last month in a 4-3 vote just because they felt like it — with absolutely no clue as to a potential successor....
This might come as a shock to Gov. Rick Scott, R-Clueless Hand Fluke, but this is the 21st century. This is — albeit a foreign concept to the governor — reality.
But somewhere along the line, the governor has confused Florida's prison system with something out of Papillon. Perhaps this is the inevitable result when an oblivious politician attempts to foist off governing on the cheap as "reform."...