Here's the troubling thing about elections. When you offer the body politic the chance to cast a ballot, there is always the inherent risk people will also avail themselves of the opportunity to actually take the trouble to vote. And let's face it, you can take this democracy drivel only so far.
So it is understandable that when momentum started to build during this year's session of the Florida Legislature to allow the serfs to register online to vote, Gov. Rick Scott reacted as if Tallahassee was pondering changing the state seal to a hammer and sickle....
If I was a business consultant, the first thing I might do is assemble anyone who manages anyone and show them several episodes of Mad Men.
Afterward, I would say, "Did you watch Don Draper closely? Don't do any of that stuff, and you'll be fine. You may go back to work now."
It's a lesson that might be fitting for Pinellas County's chief information officer (read: head techno geek) Martin Rose, who has gotten into a bit of a pickle in his dealings with his staff....
Nothing focuses a politician's attention more than accusations of being out of touch. Days ago, Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn said he needed "a couple of weeks" to receive a report from Tampa Fire Rescue Chief Tom Forward before he could decide how to provide a modicum of privacy (and respect) for female first responders who often find themselves sharing living space with colleagues who see a fire station like the Playboy mansion....
Back in 2005, Sen. Tom Lee, R-Holier Than Thou, strutted about as the Diogenes of Tallahassee, slapping himself on the back for pushing through an ethics gift ban that prohibited the capital's lobbying cartel from directly lathering up legislators with freebie drinks, meals, trips and other tokens of appreciation for their stout-hearted commitment to good government.
Stop rolling your eyes. On second thought, go ahead....
Residents of St. Petersburg draw near and pay heed. Soon, very soon, a man from the east will descend into your midst, a man of indeterminate hair color, a man of even more indeterminate age, a man who has never met a woman he could not resist complimenting.
And what the normally staid St. Petersburg residents might regard as overly enthusiastic flesh-pressing is simply this man's unique Tampa way of saying, "Hello." Do not be alarmed. But you have been advised....
A few days ago, Pinellas County Commissioner Ken Welch proposed drafting a county ordinance that would ban people from building backyard gun ranges.
Insert a "Duh!" anywhere you want here.
The reason for Welch's effort is because recently those Founding Grovelers in the Florida House of Lemmings killed legislation that would prohibit residential gun ranges. Go ahead, reread that last sentence as often as you want. It still won't make any sense....
Subject: Hillary Clinton wants to be president of the United States.
Message: After nearly 25 years on the national political stage, she has discovered she cares deeply about the much-beleaguered American middle class.
Reaction: Better late than never.
To underscore her bourgeoisie bona fides, the Evita of Chappaqua embarked on a populist road trip from New York to Iowa, even stopping for some fast food at a Chipotle restaurant near Toledo to demonstrate she can rub great unwashed elbows with the best of ambitious politicians. Nothing says "Hail to the Chief" more than a burrito bowl....
Much could happen before U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio's expected announcement that he will run for president.
It is entirely possible young master Rubio will awaken Monday and mutter to himself, "Ohmygawd, what was I thinking?" And thus he will decide to seek a second term in the Senate.
Backing away from a presidential campaign likely will prove to be a freshman beanie too far for Rubio, who has had visions of Air Force One dancing in his head since he went to Washington. Can you blame him? After all, for more than four years the senator has been surrounded by fawning minions, advisers and consultants telling him he is the sabal palm of presidential timber....
It was toward the end of a meeting with the Tampa Bay Times editorial board a few days before he was sworn in for a second term when Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn was asked an idle question.
Just for the fun of it, if he were mayor of St. Petersburg, how would Buckhorn have handled the fractious debate over what to do about the Pier, the city's answer to Fred Sanford's junk-strewn front yard?...
Moneyed-up politicians say the darndest things. Aren't they adorable?
This was a rarer event in the best little whorehouse in Tallahassee than one of the state's rent-a-statesmen returning a campaign contribution. Someone committed an act of candor. Was that a pig flying?
But there was the Florida Senate's Tom Lee, R-Check? For Me? Oh You Shouldn't Have, openly acknowledging the Legislature has become essentially one big Ye Mystic Krewe of Tammany Hall....
From time to time, especially after being exposed to a Hillary Clinton stemwinder that sounds like Roseanne Barr singing the national anthem, some Democratic Party liberals yearn for the more melodic Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren to please, please, please enter the presidential campaign.
And while the Republican field of possible presidential candidates is beginning to look like Animal House's toga party, former Gov. Jeb Bush has emerged as the leading Bluto Blutarsky of fundraising bacchanalia....
There is a certain cachet in knowing one's neighborhood is considered a "historic" place. It conjures up images of George Washington having slept down the street, or Babe Ruth going on a bender around the corner, or a paparazzi sighting of Justin Bieber next door. History can be in the eye of the beholder.
At the moment, only three of St. Petersburg's neighborhoods are considered "historic" sites — Roser Park, Lang's Bungalow Court and Granada Terrace. Just three....
Talk about a brush-back pitch. This was almost as if Sal Maglie, Bob Gibson, Don Drysdale, Greg Maddux and Early Wynn had found themselves sitting on the St. Petersburg City Council.
You're right. Bad analogy perhaps. Those great chin-music ballplayers never would have been associated with something so bush league as the pouting perpetrated by St. Petersburg City Council members Jim Kennedy, Wengay Newton, Bill Dudley, Amy Foster and Steve Kornell, who tossed a big, dripping spitball toward Mayor Rick Kriseman's head....
You could make a pretty good case that there are more gags about lawyers than almost any other profession. Try this experiment. Here's the punch line; you fill in the joke: Stephen Diaco, Robert Adams and Adam Filthaut. Cue the laugh track. See how easy that was?
Don't you suspect Diaco has had a Matlock moment as he stands on the brink of losing his reputation, his career, his livelihood, his law firm — everything — all in the misguided service of representing professional slack-jawed radio disc jockey Bubba the Love Sponge? ...
This what happens when well-intentioned good faith collides headlong into St. Petersburg's Snell Isle/Old Northeast rump government.
For 12 agonizing hours, five city residents appointed by Mayor Rick Kriseman and led by Mike Connors, the city's public works administrator who chairs the Pier Selection Committee, attempted to perform an act of civic duty by ranking the finalists to replace the pier monstrosity, which by any reasonable interpretation looms over the waterfront as a crime against architecture....