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A unified Germany and other questions

Published Oct. 16, 2005

If you have any questions about German reunification, you have come tothe right place. Q: How unified will Germany be? A: As unified as we are - which means the East and West still will have little use for each other.

Q: What is meant by the term "open skies"? A: Open skies means that the skies over Germany will be cluttered with spy planes.

Q: Will the new Germany be a member of NATO? A: Probably not.

Germany is still ticked at NATO for subjecting its army to gun control back in 1945.

Q: What will the unified Germany's new money look like? A: On the new deutsche mark will be a picture of Adolf Hitler's retirement home in Brazil.

The demise of communism in the Soviet Union and the freeing of Nelson Mandela in South Africa held our attention until the media quickly turned to the Donald Trump divorce to keep their priorities straight.

The divorce will be messy. Trump has been seen at parties fondling his portfolio, and last week his wife, Ivana, caught him in bed with his money.

According to the prenuptial agreement, Ivana gets custody of Manhattan. In Las Vegas they are giving odds on which will be larger - Trump's child support payments or the defense budget.

The lesson here is that even on Valentine's Day, money can't buy happiness. Not even if you are richer than Bush and look like Quayle.

Los Angeles Times Syndicate