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Don't forget grandmother

Readers continue to write in response to the letter from the grandmother who wants to see her illegitimate grandchild (the child of her deceased son) and is prevented from doing so by the child's mother. We have readers who think the grandmother should let well enough alone, and then there are readers like Connecticut Grandmother.

Dear Lois: The letter from the grandmother who advises the woman not to have anything to do with her grandchild makes my blood boil. Here is a grandmother who is telling all of us to mind our own business. I work two jobs from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. to support two beautiful grandchildren because my daughter chose not to. And now, after five years of breaking my neck for these kids, loving and caring for them as if they were my own, my daughter has decided to move out and take the kids. I am happy that my daughter has finally come to her senses and decided to keep the kids with her, but what about the five years I took care of them alone? Don't tell grandmothers to mind their own business. Some of us are too involved. _ Connecticut Grandmother

Dear Connecticut: You're relaying a powerful message to the grandmothers who become parking grounds for the kids until parents get their act together. How can anyone expect a grandparent like you to stop being involved?

Dear Lois: I cannot agree with Caring Grandmother, who wants to see her illegitimate grandchild. One has to wonder what attempts she made to establish a relationship with the mother of her grandchild before her son's suicide. However, if she made every reasonable attempt and was rejected by the child's mother, she can only hope that, at some point, this child will want to see her. Since the child has been adopted by the stepfather, the grandmother should not pursue any action. Her grandchild deserves to remain in a stable environment that her son did not provide. Each situation must be resolved in the best interests of the child. Children need a solid base, and that includes the love of a grandparent. Grandparents can offer help, emotional support, family history and unconditional love, but no grandparent should take on the rearing of a child unless it is essential to the child's well-being. _ Also a Caring and Loving Grandmother in Ohio

Dear Readers: And here's yet another view by a reader:

Dear Lois: I am the grandmother of five beautiful children, all of whom are close to me and such a joy. I feel really sorry for those grandparents who have written saying that grandchildren are not worth fighting for. Grandchildren are God's reward for all that we went through to raise our children, and God help anyone who tries to prevent me from receiving all that love! I would fight with all that I am and have to receive it. _ A Grandmother With Lots Of Love In Ohio

Lois Wyse, a contributing editor to Good Housekeeping, has 18 grandchildren and 40 books on human relations, including Funny, You Don't Look Like A Grandmother. Please send questions or comments to Wyse Grandparenting, Parental Guidance, the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731.

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