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Too much of a good thing

Dear Adam & Eve: I am 28 years old and have a good career. Everything about my life is great except that I've got too much of a good thing. I am in love with two men.

Both are alike in many respects and are wonderful to me. One lives out of town (I met him on a business trip), and we've seen each other one weekend a month for about two years. The other, whom I've known for a year, lives in town so I see him much more often.

Both love me and talk of marriage, and, frankly, I think I could be happy with either of them for the rest of my life.

Location is not a problem. Neither knows about the other. I want to get serious and think of a future with one of these great guys _ I just can't decide which one. Please tell me how to make the right choice. _ One-Man Woman At Heart

He Says: You have a legitimate problem, but I wouldn't expect a pity party from the rest of the planet. An overabundance of love interests is something that most of us _ at least men _ would like to experience at least once in our lives.

To make a decision between your two men right now is a mistake that you would likely regret somewhere down the matrimonial aisle. A lifetime with either of these guys will not always be as enchanting as it seems today. When you hit one of those unavoidable potholes along the marriage road, your first thoughts are going to be of the other man and the "mistake" you made in your selection of a mate.

Time will be your ally in solving this dilemma, and, at 28 with a good career, you've got time. Use it to get to know both of these men very well and be particularly sensitive to those elements of their characters that you will still love when you wake up next to your chosen one for the 10,000th time.

Among the characteristics to watch for are unselfishness, love and empathy for children, intelligence that will grow to wisdom and deeply felt respect for you and your equal, though different, role as a woman.

Also pay particular attention to each's own personal philosophy for living, including such aspects as personal life goals, avoidance of excesses, care of body and mind and beliefs in a god and absolute values in life.

Give each man another year of this kind of scrutiny, and, if you are still confused, don't write us back. With two perfect men, you don't have a problem _ you have a miracle. _ Adam Garrett

She Says: Call me old-fashioned, but, if either one of these men was really Prince Charming, I think you would know it without question. I believe that it is possible to be attracted to more than one person at a time, but, when push comes to shove, a conscious decision is made based on what your priorities are.

First, I suggest that you determine what your own personal priorities might be. Ask yourself what is important to you in a long-term relationship or even marriage. For example, your list might include physical characteristics, stability and loyalty.

Once you know what will keep you amused for the long-haul, privately weigh each one of these men against your personal checklist. Take your time and be honest with each man about your intentions.

When you set your mind to making the decision, I believe it will be easier than you think. Right before your eyes, your standards will elevate to the level expected from "the One."

I will caution you though that, once you have decided to commit to one or the other of these men, you must stick to your decision and break off the relationship with the other. If you don't, the grass will always look greener on the other side. _ Eve Morgan

Adam Garrett and Eve Morgan are the pen names of Tom Eleazer and Melissa Leavell. Adam has been a writer, teacher, journalist and businessman; Eve has a degree in communications and has written for a national political newsletter. The column's emphasis is on the different perceptions men and women bring to various issues. Questions for Adam & Eve? Write them in care of the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731-1121.

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