Would you hire someone who describes him- or herself as a "rabid typist" or who advises you to "please disregard the attached resume" because it is "hopelessly out of date"?
Believe it or not, people actually send cover letters and resumes that say things like that, according to personnel professional and author Robert Half, who has been collecting anecdotes for 40 years.
Half refers to the bloopers that inexplicably make their way onto resumes as "Resumania." It strikes rookies and veterans alike and often defies computer spell-checkers. The only known cure: multiple proofreads by more than one person.
Some other oops that have made their way into resumes and cover letters (and into Half's dossier):
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
"I am a quick leaner, dependable and motivated."
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
_ KIM NORRIS
Convention planners are
beckoned quite naturally
At least that's what the Tampa/Hillsborough Convention and Visitors Association is hoping.
Earlier this month, the association began mailing the first of 780,000 copies of its 1994 meeting planners guide to convention planners nationwide. Copies also will appear in four industry publications.
On the cover of the eight-page guide are palm fronds and the association's newest slogan: "Tampa _ Business by Nature."
"This piece builds a destination message for conventions," Jim Wood, director of convention sales and marketing for the association, said in a news release. "It shows that Tampa is a diverse destination and can meet the needs of association and meeting planners."
When it comes to nature notes, the glossy brochure mentions the Hillsborough River and the Gulf of Mexico in passing. Its biggest reference to nature isn't really natural, however.
"Dare to wander where lions roam the bush and giraffes grace the treetops," the brochure says. "Enter the untamed heartland of Africa, via Busch Gardens."
_ ROBERT KEEFE
Truth in advertising
can be unflattering
Business seminars usually market themselves by sending out pamphlets filled with glowing quotes from attendees who praise the program or speaker.
A recent seminar on self-discipline and emotional control took it a step further.
Sure, the seminar company, CareerTrack of Boulder, Colo., filled its booklet with no less than 54 positive reviews, including some who compared speaker/psychologist Tom Miller to Marlon Brando, Don Rickles and George C. Scott.
Glen Parin of Tucson, Ariz., called Miller "a cross between Plato and Richard Simmons."
But balancing such glowing reports were five negative reviews that were printed just as prominently.
"Next time I want Barnum & Bailey, I'll go to the circus," wrote S.
L. of Cranston, R.I. "I really felt like I was in the middle of a new version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," said C. T. of San Francisco. J. L. B. of Marbury, Md., said the seminar was "insulting to the intelligence of mature people."
CareerTrack founder Jeff Salzman explained in an enclosed letter: "People love Tom's seminars because they are "experiences.' . . . He takes you on a journey of startling insights about your life. . . . As you can see . . . not everybody appreciates Tom. If you prefer a conventional business seminar, I advise you to pass on this one."
Do we detect a little reverse psychology here?
_ DENISE SMITH AMOS
Small firms must provide
for the disabled by July
Only four months are left before smaller employers are required to comply with 1990 legislation guaranteeing equal protection of people with disabilities.
In July, employers with 15 or more employers will be covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act, which took effect for companies with 25 or more workers in 1992.
The law prohibits discrimination on the basis of disability and requires employers to make "reasonable" accommodations for potential and existing workers with disabilities.
The non-profit Job Accommodation Network in Washington, D.C., is seeing a steady increase in calls as the compliance date draws near. In 1993, the toll-free service fielded 61,000 requests for information and advice on accommodating people with disabilities.
Many callers were looking for clarification of key terms such as "reasonable," which the law leaves open to interpretation.
According to JAN, costs of accommodating generally are less than employers fear they will be. Approximately 70 percent of accommodations that are made cost less than $500 and 12 percent cost between $500 and $1,000.
The network can be reached by calling (800) JAN-7234.
_ KIM NORRIS