For those of you who enjoyed the Bucs-49ers game Sunday, Time-Life Video has a special offer. It's called The Best of Baby Seal Bashing, and you're going to like it a lot.
A word of advice as Vince Naimoli prepares to make a presentation to the major-league baseball owners. Whatever you do, Vince, don't give them your credit card number.
The more you see FSU kickers miss, the more you are reminded of the poet who felt bad because he had no Foot Locker until he saw a team that had no feet.
Let's see. Tony La Russa should be done in Oakland in two years. Lou Piniella has the same rough timetable in Seattle and Davey Johnson in Cincinnati. Yep, it's going to be quite a line in front of Naimoli's house by 1997.
Tommy Morrison wants to fight again. I guess the repair shop at Waterford Crystal finally patched up his jaw.
If the Bucs are interested in making a million dollars (silly question), here's how: Charge $12.50 per ticket to watch them burn those silly uniforms at the 50. Only 80,000 tickets later, they're into seven figures.
To put this in words that Burt Reynolds can understand: Bob Goin didn't just get fired at FSU. He got Lonied.
Not to repeat that the University of Alabama wins ugly, again, but in the Tuscaloosa edition of GQ, Leon Spinks is the cover guy.
Regardless of the score, there really isn't that much difference between the 49ers and the Bucs. Merely the difference between the Wine Valley and the Whine Valley.
Another word of advice to Naimoli: If Norman Schwarzkopf helps you with your presentation, remind the owners he still knows where all the long-range weapons are.
Maybe it's me, but every time I see Madonna's name in a headline, I think I've found the NBA roundup.
Boy, Clemson's football team sure was better back before the salary cap, wasn't it?
Is it just me, or are we to the point where the Bucs' quarterbacks should switch the dial on their radio helmets to a nice oldies station?
Here's an idea: Bobby Bowden starts Terry Dean, and Steve Spurrier starts Danny Kanell, and everybody's happy.
It is true that we should be awaiting Jim Abbott's first pitch, not William Usery's. But think of it this way: The morons who run baseball are letting you get extra sleep this week.
Quick poll: How many of you think Gary Bettman hired his bodyguard after the Chris Chelios threat, and how many think it was after he saw the Kevin Costner movie?
I still say the ratings for the upcoming Ice Wars would be better if Nancy Kerrigan had two things: a club in her hand, and Tonya Harding in her sights.
If the Bucs are going to go to this much trouble to make people think they're tough, maybe they should hire Rudy Poeschek and be done with it.
Relax. The NHL will return your season-ticket money just as soon as it has squeezed the juice out of the last nickel.
After watching Ed O'Neill coach in Little Giants, I still say he looks like Ray Perkins. Especially as he walks off the field after a loss.
Okay, Lou Holtz, this is your last warning. If Notre Dame loses three or four more games, the Irish are out of the Cotton Bowl. Maybe.
That cool wind you feel isn't a cold front. It's FSU coach Pat Kennedy, breathing a sigh of relief he passed on UNLV.
See, I told you Bobby Ross couldn't keep it up.
Ex-Auburn coach Pat Dye is hinting that he wouldn't mind coaching again. I guess this is going to set off another one of those Clemson-Texas A&M bidding wars.
So, now that his administration has returned the national pride that goes with the Solheim Cup, will people please get off Bill Clinton's back?
It was nice for Trent Dilfer to buy tickets for 109 of his friends, but did he have to play as if he wanted to go up and sit with them?
One last word of advice to Naimoli: If the owners are whistling It's a Small World when you enter the room, just come on home.
Finally, here's an idea for a movie. A long-dead football player mysteriously walks out of a citrus grove and asks "Is this hell?" The farmer answers: "No, it's Tampa Bay."