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Costume Countdown

Oh no! You waited until the last minute! Even though we here at X-Press, begged you . . .pleaded with you to start thinking about your costume weeks ago, you thought you had all the time in the world. Sorry, but you can't be a procrastinator for Halloween. Here are some last-minute costume ideas made with many items found around the house.

Black-eyed P: Use a make-up stick to black out one eye. Use a magic marker to write a big "P" on your shirt. When anyone asks you what you're supposed to be, proclaim proudly, "I'm a black-eyed P!" Get it? GET IT?!

Refrigerator Leftover: Wrap your entire body in aluminum foil. Turn a fuzzy toilet seat cover (preferably green) into a kicky chapeau. You've just transformed yourself into an old leftover with suspicious mold growing on your head.

Teenager: This mostly works for shorter kids. All you really need is an older sibling's concert T-shirt and an attitude.

Little Kid Costume: Most howlarious for the bigger kids. Rush out to the supermarket and grab one of the few remaining kiddie costumes _ the kind that come in the box with the flimsy plastic mask and flame-retardant/light reflective costumes (best if you can luck out on a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers outfit). Then, just dangle out of the outfit like Baby Huey on a growth spurt.

Hank Rollins or Kennedy: If you're a guy, why not be everyone's favorite Spoken Word muscle man? Go for Henry Rollins' look in his latest Lie video. Paint your body red and cover yourself in his many tattoos using a magic marker. (Make sure its water soluble and not permanent unless you want to wear those marks to school tomorrow!). Oh yeah, and don't forget to make your neck real big.

Girls with long hair can easily transform themselves into MTV's most annoying VJ, Kennedy. Just wear that one dumb Contempo outfit you still don't know why you bought and rush out to the mall for some trendy accessory glasses. Fuzz out your hair, carry a copy of the want-ads, and you're happenin'!

Fast Food Taco Sauce Award: Tacky Trick-or-Treaters receive this "treat" for displaying poor imagination and worse taste: T-shirts that say stuff like "This is my Halloween Costume." I mean, make an effort!