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A window of opportunity, a new hood ornament.

While he was awaiting trial last week on domestic violence charges, Paul Celauro spied a open window on the first floor of the county courthouse in Toms River, N.J. Even though he was wearing handcuffs that were fastened to his waist, Celauro managed to dive through the window. He fell about 8 feet and landed on a black 1990 Mercedes-Benz _ owned by one of the judges. Celauro wasn't hurt, but he was charged with attempted escape.

Take this suspect. Please.

A man sought in the murders of the son and ex-wife of a Cleveland Browns football player had a somewhat difficult time convincing police he was a wanted man. Kintad "Bucko" Phillips, 21, walked into the Melbourne Police Department to give himself up, but detectives were out, so he left. Phillips then drove to the Brevard County sheriff's office and tried again. But no one there believed he was wanted for murder, so he was told to leave.

Finally, Phillips drove back to the Melbourne department and told his story again. This time, police listened. They arrested him and held him without bail.

Let's go to the video tape.

David K. Paro owned Videoland, a combination video-rental store and tanning salon in Buffalo, Mo., that he equipped with a two-way mirror and a camera mounted in the upper corner of a wall.

Guess why he did that?

After his arrest, Paro, 27, acknowledged that he secretly videotaped scores of women as they suntanned nude at his salon. He was sentenced to two months in jail and three years of probation.

Paro should consider himself lucky. Among the 83 women he caught on the videotapes: the sheriff's daughter and the county prosecutor's wife and daughter.

My, Grandma, what big handcuffs you have!

A 60-year-old dominatrix has beaten the system. Authorities returned whips, chains and $20,000 worth of bondage tools seized during a raid of Betty Davis' Santa Ana, Calif. home. Davis (no, not the movie star) wore black tights, a black see-through blouse and high heels as she picked up the items from the Orange County Sheriff's Department. "I love them. They're just my play toys," she said.

Davis, who says she has 12 grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, was arrested recently for investigation of soliciting prostitution after an undercover officer answered an ad in a bondage magazine and was led blindfolded to her townhouse. Davis' lawyer said Davis offered a "therapeutic service" that didn't include sex. Prosecutors dropped the case, citing a lack of evidence.

Armed and dangerous.

And in other sports news, it has become an odd, thoroughly quaint custom: Whenever the National Hockey League's Detroit Red Wings score a goal at Joe Louis Arena, the fans begin tossing octopuses onto the ice. Dozens of them, some as large as 30 pounds.

The tradition dates back to 1952, and while no one has been arrested for octopus-hurling (technically, it is against the law), bringing them into the arena is frowned upon by the Red Wings and requires great stealth and creativity. When a Detroit TV station recently asked a fan how he slipped an octopus through the gate, the fan said he slid it down his pants.

"How did it feel to have an octopus down your pants?" the reporter asked.

The fan paused and with a grin replied, "Not bad."

She just drove it into the ground.

A Carmel, N.Y., woman who reported her Cadillac stolen and collected nearly $16,000 in insurance was arrested last week after the car was found buried 13 feet deep in her back yard. Patricia Tanzi, 45, was charged with grand larceny and insurance fraud. Police would not say how authorities learned of the scheme, but after conducting aerial surveillance, they arrived with excavating equipment June 7 at property Tanzi owns. They found her white Eldorado, stripped bare. On top of the car was a boulder the size of a Yugo that had been used to crush the car.

Go check on mother.

And in other burial news, two Toledo, Ohio, women filed a theft report recently after sifting through their mother's ashes and not finding $6,000 worth of jewelry she was wearing at her funeral.

Two daughters of Dolores Kurek, 59, a teacher who died of cancer June 2, filed the complaint after they could not determine whether the missing jewelry was cremated, lost or stolen. Listed as missing were a diamond ring, a pair of diamond earrings, a pearl necklace, a pair of pearl earrings and a beaded dress.

"This is unbelievable; that jewelry cost more than the funeral," said one of the daughters. "We didn't even get the dress back, and we asked for that."