I don't tell jokes well. In fact, in these politically correct times, I'd be called "comically challenged." It's not that I'm not funny; in fact, people laugh around me all the time.
But after a recent speech to members of AARP on a really funny topic ("How to talk to a reporter"), someone came up and suggested I should be a comedian. He said I told jokes well during my speech. Since I stole . . . I mean borrowed . . . all of them from other people, books and Internet sites, I told him I'd pass along the compliment.
Many of you say we are a little too serious here at Seniority, so I offer the few jokes I know (and hope you send me some better ones):
You know why grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? Because they have a common enemy.
One man says to the other, "You know, I wish I knew exactly where I was going to die." The other asks why. The man says, "Because then I wouldn't go there."
Remember, you are not old. You are gerontologically advanced. And you are not poor, you are economically unprepared. Some other politically correct terms to remember: Don't say bald, say comb free; don't say convict, say socially separated; and don't say insane, say selectively perceptive mental explorers.
An angry wife says to her husband: "What do you mean coming home half-drunk." Husband says, "It's not my fault. I ran out of money!"
There's a room at a hotel I stayed at recently. It's called the Bill Clinton Room; it has no windows, so that way you can avoid the draft. The hotel also has a Bob Dole Room. It's the smoking lounge.
Three ministers were arguing about when life begins. One said, "Life begins at conception." The other said, "No, life begins at birth." Then the wise old minister leaned forward and said, "You are both wrong. Life begins when the last child leaves home."
As I said, I think I'm comically challenged. The man at my AARP speech told me I "needed to work on my delivery."
I tell ya, I don't get no respect!
Send your jokes, comments or whatevers to John Cutter, c/o the Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731. Fax: (813) 892-2327; e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org.