From the files of the Citrus County Sheriff's Office, a true story of criminal ineptitude:
A 20-year-old Lecanto man was recently pulled over by sheriff's deputies after leaving a home where deputies suspected drugs were being used.
For some unknown reason, he willingly let deputies search his vehicle, and lo and behold, they found a black pipe with marijuana residue (or cannabis, as law enforcement officers, who love their lingo, call it.)
Deputies also found a bong (a water pipe) and marijuana seeds on the driver's side floorboard.
But here's where all those years in law enforcement really paid off:
The deputies found an unofficial "weed" license in the car.
And they saw a bumper sticker on the back of the vehicle "promoting cannabis."
The suspect was arrested.
SIR, PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE VEHICLE . . . UH, NEVER MIND: Citrus Slices sees nothing funny about drunken driving. However, sometimes you just have to wonder about the behavior of people. Take this story from the arrest files of the Florida Highway Patrol:
A 56-year-old Homosassa man, whose name is being withheld by the Citrus Times to save him the embarrassment (hey, he's in enough trouble already) was observed by FHP Trooper John Stuart heading west on U.S. 98 in a red pickup.
The suspect pulled off onto the side of the road, the trooper observed, got out of his vehicle, walked unsteadily around to the passenger side, and began urinating.
But he didn't quite make it.
"I observed that the front and back of his pants were wet," the trooper dryly noted (pun intended.)
The trooper pulled behind the truck and questioned the driver. The trooper said when the suspect opened his mouth the trooper could smell the odor of an "alcoholic beverage."
Also, the bloodshot eyes and inability to stand upright without help were important clues. The driver failed field sobriety tests and was arrested.
_ Staff writer Jamal Thalji contributed to this report.