1. Archive

The Love Song of William J. Clinton

Yes, I realize, sweetness,

You caught me with Alice.

But my sins come from weakness.

They aren't sins of malice.

The devil is sorry

That he made me do it.

This is my life story,

And I'm sticking to it.

Sometimes I run wild,

And sometimes I get caught.

I was abused as a child,

So it isn't my fault.

I'm not saying I'm right,

But I won't admit nuthin.

(And I'd sure love a bite

Of that there Egg McMuffin.)

I'm commander-in-chief,

With a lot on my plate.

But I can't get relief

Just from affairs of state.

I've tried giving up drinking,

I've tried taking cold showers,

But still find myself thinking

Of Gennifer Flowers.

And just when I may seem

To be holding my own,

I start having daydreams

About Paula Jones.

Or about Kathleen Willey,

Heidi Klum, Teri Hatcher,

Nicole Kidman, Meg Tilly,

Or Margaret Thatcher.

And I 'bout went insane

When I got to say howdy

To Brandi Chastain

And that cute Julie Foudy.

I wake up every morning

And try not to go wrong.

But then without warning,

An intern flashes her thong.

Or I find myself guessing

How much that dress cost her.

(Besides, weren't you messing

Around with Vince Foster?)

The great battle with sin

Is not one you win, see?

But I'll never give in

To another Lewinsky.

Your forgiveness I seek.

(By the way, this pie's delicious!)

My body is weak,

But it's never malicious.

All the vows I have broken,

All the promises breached,

All the lies I have spoken

Aren't worth getting impeached,

Much less getting divorced.

So just calm down a minute

And let's both stay the course

While you run for the Senate.