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Unconventional wisdom for the GOP

Published Sep. 3, 2005

The GOP has narrowed to three the number of possible sites for the 2004 Republican National Convention: New York, New Orleans and Tampa.

Why should the Republicans gather in Tampa instead of one of those other towns?

1. So Republicans from other states can learn how to really run an election.

2. Because Miss Cleo said they would.

3. It's cooler here in summer than it is in New Orleans, New York, and hell. Or at least hell.

4. George can crash on the fold-out sofa at the relatives'.

5. To see Florida beaches from this side of the oil rigs.

6. No problem getting baseball tickets.

7. They can experience Tampa before culture-obsessed visitors, flocking in to see the new downtown art museum, turn the city into gridlock.

8. Wide selection of golf pants.

9. We may not have Emeril's or Broadway, but we have Duck Tours!

10. To establish good relations with Gov. Reno.

_ Times staff

Subways, schmubways. Tampa's ducky.