THE WALES ARE SAVED; LET'S MOVE ON: They're (arguably) more beloved than the Ozark big-eared bat, more culturally significant than the Virgin Islands tree boa and less dangerous than a jaguar. And they're disappearing.
So why shouldn't music videos be classified as an endangered species?
The president of the video network Muchmusic USA has written to Interior Secretary Gale Norton requesting that videos be added to the endangered species list.
"In the simplest of terms, the music video has become . . . a species that is swiftly disappearing from its natural habitat," Marc Juris wrote in the publicity stunt broadcast in a network news release.
"If something is not done, we as a nation risk alienating millions of teens and young adults who represent the highly desirable and most coveted broadcast demographic of 12- to 25-year-olds."
Juris rages against other music networks' evolution from showing videos to showing surveillances of sorority houses and documentaries about musicians whose work is never aired because the networks are showing 24 hours of documentaries about musicians.
There was no immediate response from Norton.
SHE'S NO GOOD, SHE'S NO GOOD, SHE'S NO GOOD: We're guessing that videos are among the things Linda Ronstadt has shunned since distancing herself from pop culture after her 1970s Top 40-belting heyday.
Ronstadt, who has a preteen son and daughter, says she recently had to buy an Eminem CD to see if it was appropriate for an 11-year-old.
"It's not," she tells New York's Daily News.
She says she would have hated that answer when she was 11. But she doesn't care.
"As a parent, I'm a Victorian."
THANK YOU, SIR. MAY I HAVE ANOTHER? How potent a drug is fame? Three former child stars who already have been through the humiliation mill are among the celebrities who have volunteered to go on blind dates for a new E! reality series.
Gary Coleman (Diff'rent Strokes), Kim Fields (Facts of Life) and Jill Whelan (The Love Boat) are letting the network hook them up with people they've never met and film the date from start to finish.
Also scheduled for dates are Dustin Diamond, Saved by the Bell's Screech, who should have gone into hiding after Celebrity Boxing II, and Butch Patrick, Eddie from The Munsters.
Now, if Grandpa Munster (92-year-old Al Lewis) were single, that would be a date we'd watch.