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IN IRAQ, U.S. FINDS SUSPICIOUS TRAILERS IN SUSPICIOUS TRAILER PARK

U.S. special operations forces looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq today discovered what is being described as "suspicious trailers in a suspicious trailer park."

"It is difficult to put into words the magnitude of this find," interim administrator L. Paul Bremer said at a press conference in Baghdad. "This is a huge number of trailers."

While officials said no weapons of mass destruction were found, "a substantial cache" of pork rinds, Cheese Whiz, nachos, bacon bits "and other fixin's" were seized.

"While we have no evidence yet that these trailers were used to produce banned weapons, it is clear that they were used to produce peanut butter and banana sandwiches," Mr. Bremer said.

In Washington, Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld called the discovery of the suspicious trailer park the "smoking gun" the U.S. has been waiting for, citing the pork rinds as proof that Saddam Hussein was using the trailers to produce illegal weapons.

"Clearly, these trailers were producing chemical and biological agents, then were scrubbed clean and filled with pork rinds to throw everyone off the scent," Mr. Rumsfeld said.

In other news, recently retired U.N. weapons inspector Hans Blix began his first day at his new job as a shirt inspector at a Van Heusen shirt factory in Guatemala.

While Mr. Blix's new employers upbraided him for spending up to seven hours inspecting a single Oxford cotton twill shirt, the former weapons inspector remained unbowed.

"The inspections take time, but they're working," Mr. Blix said.

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