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SADDAM, OSAMA TO APPEAR ON "TRADING SPACES'

Fugitive madmen Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein will appear on the popular home redecorating program Trading Spaces as a special ratings-grabbing stunt for the all-important November sweeps period, the cable channel TLC announced today.

In the program, Osama and Saddam will redecorate each other's hiding places, a cave on the Pakistan-Afghanistan border and a super-secret lair buried deep under the northern Iraqi town of Tikrit.

Working with teams of decorators and carpenters supplied by the Trading Spaces producers, bin Laden and Saddam will "renovate each other's spooky hideouts and then surprise each other with the dazzling results," a spokesman for TLC said today.

At the White House, spokesman Scott McClellan conceded that President Bush and intelligence officials had been caught unawares by the participation in the makeover stunt by the two evildoers, whom the U.S. has unsuccessfully sought for months.

But McClellan attempted to put the best face on the Osama-Saddam TV appearance, telling reporters, "Thanks to our efforts, these two monsters have been reduced to remaking each others' dwellings instead of the civilized world as we know it."

The TLC spokesman would not indicate how the network had been able to locate bin Laden and Saddam in order to tape the special series of Trading Spaces episodes, but did indicate that both men were represented by Hollywood's powerful Creative Artists Agency.

In other news from the White House, President Bush said today that he was determined to find the person or persons responsible for leaking the similarities between Iraq and Vietnam, and reminded the press that Iraq, in his words, was "much sandier."

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