AND NASA SAYS THERE'S A BIZARRE ALIEN LANDSCAPE ON MARS: Nicole, Nicole, Nicole. What have you been doing on vacation in Australia? Watching too many flapper movies and taking them far too seriously?
Jennifer Garner, get organized. How could you not give your designer enough time to finish your dress?
Sarah Jessica Parker. Is your next job the Wicked Witch of the West in a couture remake of The Wizard of Oz?
The biggest disappointment of Golden Globes night was the fashion choices of people who are almost always flawless in their picks and presentation _ and at the rare times they're not, leave stylewatchers reacting no more violently than, "Wellllllllllllllll. That was interrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeesting."
Sunday night, the violence level was much higher.
The night was not without its redeeming features. Though there was nothing jaw-droppingly wonderful, several unexpected sources made subtly stylish statements, most noticeably Charlize Theron.
And on a night of particularly impressive cleavage presentations, Scarlett Johansson gets singled out for her flesh-colored dress with a corset top apparently made of steel that left observers with just one place to focus.
NOSTALGIA VICTIM: Nicole Kidman told the E! network that as soon as she saw this dress, by designer Tom Ford in his last collection for Yves Saint Laurent, "I actually just immediately went, "Yep, that's it.' " Sometimes, even the best need someone to say, "Nope, it's not."
NOTHING IS LOST IN TRANSLATION HERE: Scarlett Johansson, who was nominated for two best actress awards, demonstrated her strength in the supporting category as well.
THIS IS HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE DONE: Charlize Theron, with actor-boyfriend Stuart Townsend, went for simple, flirty and elegant in a yellow chiffonlike Christian Dior.
WHEN GOOD DESIGNERS GO BAD: Sarah Jessica Parker told E! that Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld put together this dress for her from scratch. Now all we need to know is who to blame for the hair color and style.
LEAD TIME IS EVERYTHING: Jennifer Garner's dress didn't fit at the top and looked like it got yanked out of a dye job before it was finished.