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Let happy friend be

Question: I am blessed with a dear friend. Her personality includes talking during movies, interrupting, offering unsolicited advice, expressing an opinion on everything, being controlling, monopolizing conversations and, well, I could go on but that's plenty. She is also smart, self-assured, confident, comfortable with herself and one of the happiest, most secure people I know.

Without exception, my family and friends find her overbearing and obnoxious. I have been told it's my responsibility as her friend to tell her she is short on personal skills. She has never expressed a doubt or insecurity and has never asked me for advice on winning friends, getting second dates, etc.

My older sister, whom I respect immensely, says my aversion to unpleasant but necessary conversations is preventing me from passing this potentially valuable information along (me rolling my eyes). But my sister knows me very well so I'm doubting my decision to let my friend be.

Answer: Oh no. Don't doubt it.

Or, go ahead and doubt it _ just don't act on the doubt. The whole point of friendly, "unpleasant but necessary" intervention is to make an unhappy person happy. Or at least try to.

If your read on the situation is accurate, then the intervention your sister suggests would make a happy person unhappy. No, no, no. Please, leave the merry bulldozer be.

Tell me about it! E-mail tellmewashpost.com; fax (202) 334-5669; write "Tell Me About It," c/o the Washington Post, Style Plus, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Chat online with Carolyn Hax each Friday at noon at www.washingtonpost.com.

Washington Post Writers Group

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