1. Archive

Bogg-ed down in movies, diamond dreams & empty nets

Today, I am O.J. Simpson, and I want to tell you about my pep talk to my old team. "Come on guys," I said, "let's kill 'em."

+ Really, it's okay that Wade Boggs is going into the Hall of Fame with Boston's cap. Just as long as he wears his Tampa Bay hair.

+ Yep, doctors did a great job replacing the divot on old Wade's head, didn't they? Either that, or not all of that ocelot got stuffed.

+ Not to interrupt the Rays in mid-confetti, but someone should point out signing Alex S. Gonzalez is not the same as signing Alex Rodriguez.

+ Just wondering: Does Dennis Rodman plan to see Elektra?

+ When Billy Donovan says his Florida basketball team isn't as talented as it has been in the past, I believe him. On the other hand, have you ever heard a coach crow so much about recruiting so lousy?

+ One of Terrell Owens' rehab exercises is picking up towels with his toes. Someone has to ask: Does one of those towels belong to Nicollette Sheridan?

+ Ever get annoyed at an empty newspaper box? I feel the same way every time I drive past the St. Pete Times Forum.

+ Just wondering: Is Shaun Alexander going to watch the remake of The Longest Yard?

+ As long as the Bucs are so far from intimidating, I say we put a hold on the Chucky references. If we need a doll for references, however, Charlie McCarthy isn't doing anything.

+ The definition of speed: Rick Majerus at Southern Cal, Dan Marino in the Dolphins' front office, George O'Leary at Notre Dame and Britney Spears' first marriage. Somewhere, a tsetse fly is sighing,"Man, I've seen it all."

+ Before the Orange Bowl, Auburn fans suggested that USC hadn't played anyone this year. Afterward, they said the same thing.

+ If Sports Illustrated subscribers object to the swimsuit edition, the magazine says they can opt to get a future issue instead. Yeah, but what about Playboy subscribers who are embarrassed by the Pigskin Preview issue?

+ Did you see where BusinessWeek named Gary Bettman one of the five worst managers of 2004? I'm not sure who the other managers are, but I'm willing to bet ex-Blue Jays manager Carlos Tosca, whose team seized last place from the Rays, was one of them.

+ Seriously, if a Simpson was going to sing at the Orange Bowl, wouldn't O.J. have been a better choice than Ashlee?

+ Just wondering: Does Trent Dilfer, who completed 43.1 percent of his passes this season, plan to see 42.4 Percent?

+ If railroad tycoon Jim Bradywas known as "Diamond Jim," shouldn't the coach of the Storm be known as "Cubic Zirconium Tim" Marcum?"

+ Not saying that Jose Cansecohas gone off the deep end or anything, but any day now, I expect him to marry Liza Minnelli.

+ I'm not sure what was wrong with Oklahoma during the Orange Bowl. If you ask Barry Switzer, he would probably vote for a few more handguns.

+ Three names the Bucs should want in free agency: Kicker Adam Vinatieri, tight end Bubba Franks, running back Edgerrin James.

+ Three names the Bucs might seek instead: Marv Hubbard, Ben Davidson, George Blanda.

+ Just wondering: At the next NCAA convention, are the football coaches going to see White Noise?

+ Come to think of it, if the Yankees play on a baseball diamond, shouldn't the Rays play on a zirconium?

+ To recap: The guy with former 49er linebacker Lee Woodall's ring wants $62,000 for it. The guy with former Storm quarterback John Kaleo's ring wants 79 cents and three-quarters of the Cracker Jack.

+ It's the playoffs, and I fully expect Randy Moss to give it all he has for 57 minutes. Maybe 58.

+ Just wondering: Is Ricky Williams going to see the remake of Reefer Madness?

+ Finally, I love how "the Los Angeles Angels at Anaheim" rolls off the tongue. And I'm pushing for "the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in St. Petersburg Where the Owner Is Collecting Spare Change in a Tin Cup."