I want "Short on Intimacy," the wife in her 20s with no sex life , to know that she is not the only wife out there who has this problem. I wish you could have heard some of the wild excuses my husband made about why he couldn't have sex. We have been in counseling for months because of this.
I think it is so hard for us women because other men are always talking about wanting sex, and our husbands may even be acting like they want it. And then, when we get home, sex is the furthest thing from their minds.
Through counseling, I have realized that "why" may never be answered. The bottom-line question is, can I live the rest of my life this way or not?
- No Answers in Oklahoma
Only you can answer that. You were generous to share your own experience on this personal and sensitive subject - and so were countless others who aired their views. Read on:
In response to the young woman who doesn't understand why her husband isn't interested in sex, I applaud your reply. However, in addition to seeing a therapist, I think that man should consult his family doctor.
My husband suffers from clinical depression as well as adult-diagnosed ADD. I struggled for years with the same questions she asked, until he started being treated for his disorders. Things are improving.
- Still Working On It, Winchester, Ind.
The first 10 years of my marriage, my husband had a low sex drive and intermittent impotency. During a blood screening it was discovered that his testosterone level was about 20 percent of where it should be for an adult male. The medication he now takes may have saved our marriage, and it definitely saved our sex life. This was something neither of us had heard of before.
- Happier Now in Arizona
I could have written that letter. I would put on lingerie and try to seduce my husband. Still nothing. Of course, I became horribly insecure and thought something was wrong with me. When we went for counseling, my husband finally admitted he didn't need me for sex because he had been "satisfying" himself. It stemmed from huge issues he has with intimacy.
Your advice was right on. Counseling is needed so she won't blame herself for his problem.
- Been Through It in California
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips.