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WEDDING WISDOM IS SHARE CASH, WORKLOAD

 
Published June 24, 2007

Wedding season is officially in full swing, and couples everywhere are combining lives - bringing together their families, homes and sometimes even their bank accounts.

Money is a point of contention in almost every marriage. It's consistently on the top-two list of topics that are sure to trigger a fight.

Why do finances cause so much tension? We don't like to talk about them - not with our family, not with our friends and not even with our spouses. The other complicating factor? You are likely to settle down with someone who handles money differently, saving or spending to different extremes.

"If opposites don't attract right off the bat - and they usually do - they'll create each other eventually. Even if you have two spenders who marry, they'll end up polarizing. One will become the super spender and one will become the hoarder by comparison," says Olivia Mellan, a Washington, D.C., therapist who specializes in money psychology and couples communication.

Here's what you can do to protect your new union from the money blues:

TALK. You should be having conversations about money long before you walk down the aisle. Talk about your saving and spending habits and any outstanding student loan, credit card, or other debt. But try to dig a little deeper, too.

"Sit down and share what money was like in your family growing up, what money messages you might have inherited from there and what money personality you tend to have," Mellan says.

Once you're married, and you know your spouse's student loan balance by heart, it's a good idea to schedule a financial conversation a couple of times a month so you both stay in the loop.

BE UNDERSTANDING. As Mellan says, chances are good that one person is going to be the spender in comparison to the other. The important thing is to recognize your habits and try to reconcile them whenever possible.

"It's not a question of pointing fingers, but of building bridges so that people can talk to each other," she says.

SHARE THE WORKLOAD. Chances are you split other tasks around the house, so one person isn't always stuck with the cleaning, laundry and shopping. Why not divvy up the financial chores as well?

Understand, the person controlling the checkbook not only has the power that goes along with managing the finances, but the worry as well. And neither member of a couple should have the lion's share of either one. So sit together and pay bills as a team, or split up responsibilities so that each person takes charge at least a few times a year.

CONSIDER A THREE-POT SYSTEM. A lot of people balk at the idea of keeping separate bank accounts- they seem to always picture fights over the dinner check - but it can really work to your advantage and even significantly cut down on arguments.

Each partner has his or her own checking and savings accounts, and then a joint account is shared for expenses like bills, vacations and evenings out - including those restaurant tabs. If your salaries are comparable, you each cushion the joint account with an equal amount, or you can contribute a percentage if one partner is a bigger earner.

The best part? If you splurge on a new pair of shoes or a widescreen TV, you only have to answer to yourself.