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A WHOLE LOT OF CIGARETTES LATER, SHE CALLS IT QUITS

Centenarians

Winnie Langley of London has decided to give up smoking. It wasn't for health reasons. She doesn't think it will kill her. A doctor didn't even tell her to. Her reason was much more pragmatic. "I just don't fancy it anymore," she told the Daily Mail. Which makes sense, since she has been doing it for 95 years, starting when she was 7. She figures she has averaged about five a day, putting her total estimate at about 170,000. "If she got to 102 without getting cancer, I don't think she ever will," her stepgrandson, Clive, said.

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She is looking for backup to husband

Wook Kundor of Malaysia is pining a little for her husband, who is in rehab for drug addiction. But she's a little lonely and starting to consider her options, up to and including the possibility of a new husband. "I am an aged woman," she told the Star of Kuala Lumpur. And she's 107, so she's not kidding. "My intention to remarry is to fill my forlornness, and nothing more than that." She said she wants to visit her husband, who is 37, to see if she should wait for him. But if she deems that relationship doomed, she is ready to seek out hubby No. 23.

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Booze in news

If you aren't drunk enough, it's free!

The Attic bar in Newcastle, England, has installed a breathalyzer for its patrons to use as they are leaving. If this sounds like a highly responsible thing to do, it is only because you haven't heard the whole story yet. The bar hosts a party on Tuesday nights, called Trashed, and they guarantee your drunkenness. "If you're legal to drive at 3 a.m., we'll refund your entry money," promotional materials say, "because ... we've failed in our mission." Every health, police and civic official quoted by the Daily Mail had a problem with this promotion.

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Impersonations

Mayor knows cops, and that's not one

A man in Shreveport, La., was driving around pretending to be a police officer. He made his biggest mistake on Monday when he pulled over Mayor Cedric Glover. The faux officer sped off, but Glover followed him and had legit cops intercept him. They arrested Daniel Niederhelman, 21, who works for a private security company, but doesn't get to use the fancy lights and sirens to get through traffic. At least, not legally.

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Not a doctor, nor plays one on TV

A man wearing a stethoscope and a woman holding a clipboard worked their way into a Riverhead, N.Y., home under the guise of delivering pamphlets talking about the national health care plan. But they weren't doctors, or even involved in the government. Instead, they stole $4,000, shot the woman who lived there and her boyfriend, then pistol-whipped her mother. They have pleaded not guilty to robbery and assault charges.

Compiled from Times wire services and other sources by staff writer Jim Webster, who can be reached at jwebster@sptimes.com.

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