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HE'S DEFINITELY BANANAS, AND WANTS MORE

Touching stories

A cult leader in Papua New Guinea promised his followers that the banana harvest would increase by a factor of 10 every time they had "intimate relations" in "public places." Police there call this "illegal sexual activity" and tried to arrest him this weekend, according to the Post Courier there. Police surrounded his hut, which would have seemed like the end of the story, but seven of his naked followers jumped out with him and they streaked to freedom. "He used his two wives as a human shield to avoid being shot at by the policemen," said inspector Adam Busil. They are serious about their antinudity laws in Papua New Guinea.

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A whole new twist to Dumpster dive

Without so much as the promise of a bumper banana crop, a couple in Wichita, Kan., were found having their "intimate relations" in a Dumpster. Sometimes, you just can't wait, apparently. Anyway, the worst part about it - in a story with people copulating in a trash receptacle, mind you - is that they were found by two guys who wanted to rob them, reports the Wichita Eagle. At knifepoint, they took the couple's shoes (they were probably already off), jewelry and the man's wallet. Police caught the suspect quickly. But watch this year's banana crop in Wichita. Just saying.

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Stupid criminals

They assumed no one watches Dr. Phil

There are a lot of stories about how the police were able to solve a case because some idiots posted photos of themselves committing the crime on the Internet. Here are the people who all those idiots aspire to be: Matthew and Laura Eaton were arrested on charges of conspiracy to transport stolen goods across state lines, reports the San Diego Union-Tribune. What that means is that they sold stolen stuff on the Internet. They might still be making $3,500 a week in the scam, too, if they hadn't gone on the Dr. Phil show to talk about how they do it. Complete with video of a shoplifting excursion.

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Self discipline

Woman faces more than a spanking

Spanking your child in a store is likely to get you some nasty looks. But spanking someone else's child in a store is likely to get you charged with assault. Cincinnati police say a 2-year-old said something that apparently annoyed Gloria Ballard at a Salvation Army store on Tuesday. Police say she then told the boy's mother she didn't know how to take care of her son, put him over her knee, and spanked him three times. Ballard said she is a mother and grandmother and was just trying to help. But police arrested her anyway.

Compiled from Times wire services and other sources by staff writer Jim Webster, who can be reached at jwebster@sptimes.com.

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