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NO, A CAT WON'T BE SPIDER-MAN

So long, Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man; hello, Andrew Garfield. Whew, and here we thought they'd cast someone we'd never heard of! Sony has announced that the 26-year-old actor will star in their reintroduction of the webslinger in a future film, Variety reports. You may remember Garfield from The Other Boleyn Girl, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus or Robert Redford's Lions for Lambs. Well, you read about those movies, anyway. He's getting ready to star with Jesse Eisenberg in David Fincher's The Social Network, which is coming out in October. Variety says Andy beat out Jamie Bell and Alden Ehrenreich for the part, with Sony exec Amy Pascal deciding Garfield's screen test was better. When you're playing an awkward uber-nerd like Peter Parker, is that really a compliment? We'll check him out in 3D on July 3, 2012.

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An unfriendly birthday tap

Lindsay Lohan tried really hard to have a happy birthday on Thursday, but it looks like a waitress - nay, a hero for the masses - ruined her night by punching the now-24-year-old actress in the face. We'd be upset for Lindsay, but there are rumors she's making it all up anyway, so let's get down to the main event. "A waitress just hit me - punched me for no reason," LiLo said via Twitter around 1 a.m. Pacific time Friday morning. That would be a waitress at L.A. Club Voyeur, a place the Juice* will never go. But was it true? Yes, a witness tells Us. "The waitress has a history with Doug Reinhardt, and Lohan was hanging out with him. She was jealous, and out of nowhere, the waitress punched her in the face!" the source says. "Doug didn't want any part of it and went to the other side of the booth. Lohan ran out." By ran out, that means she went to the nearby Rockstar House, Us says. But her tormentor stalked her down. "Lohan showed up and cried because the waitress was there as well," another source says. "Some birthday." Well, the idea of some angry plebe smacking party girl Lohan in the kisser for hanging out with a failed baseball player turned Hills actor makes for a pretty good birthday for us.

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Is there an opening in Hogwarts dorm?

The actor who plays Harry Potter wizardmate Padma Patil is involved in a court case in England after her father and brother were charged with threatening to kill her, the U.K.'s Sun reports. Deathly Hallows, indeed. Afshan Azad's father, Abul, 54, and brother, Ashraf, 28, had to appear before a Manchester magistrate back on Tuesday on the charge, with the actor's brother also being charged with assault. Afshan was apparently attacked in her home on May 21, though no other details were given. Court proceedings were adjourned until later this month, the Sun says. Meanwhile, we recommend the 23-year-old Afshan should try moving into the dorms at Xaverian College instead of living at home.

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South Africa not as open as Paris

A court in South Africa dropped a marijuana-smoking case late Friday against Paris Hilton. The socialite appeared in a FIFA World Cup courtroom after being arrested on suspicion of possession of marijuana at a quarterfinal match between Brazil and the Netherlands. The authorities dropped the charges against Hilton, after her co-accused, Jennifer Rovero, "acknowledged to be in possession of cannabis, and pleaded guilty," said Brig. Sally De Beer, a spokeswoman for South African police. Rovero, 31, from New York, was sentenced to a fine of 1000 rand ($130) or 30 days imprisonment, De Beer said.

- jgillin@tampabay.com; Find more at blogs.tampabay.com/juice

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