There's no word on why the 52-year-old Jeffers is lawyering up, but the fact she claims they had a fling in 1975 when she was 16 may have something to do with it. She told the U.K.'s Daily Mirror that when it comes to Arnold, "there were so many other women. About 13 have come out of the woodwork."
Add to this a TMZ report that Schwarzenegger financed a quinceanera party for baby mama/housekeeper Mildred "Patty" Baena's niece and word from HollywoodLife that Maria even used to joke that Patty's son looked like Arnold - not to mention Maria had to force a confession out of the pair, according to Radar - and you've got to think his head is exploding like the end of Total Recall. Ain't no Martian reactor gonna release oxygen this time, Arnie.
There's no telling what can happen in love and Twitter, as it looks like the music world's oddest couple is at hand. How weird? We're talking T-Pain and Ke$ha, people. Start stocking your Zompocalypse pantries, because the autotune babies will be noisy and angry. T-Pain took to his Twitter feed, @TPAIN, on Sunday to say, Last night I found out I'm in love wit @keshasuxx, further explaining with I'm not saying @keshasuxx and i had sex or anything I'm just sayin I love that "f-- everybody else (attitude). She dresses how she wants she performs the way she wants, she does HER. and at the same time she throwing up a big ass middle finger to all those ppl that just dissed her when I said I love her. Ke$ha, meanwhile, tweeted back Um. F---ing love u @TPAIN . U get me. Come find me .Whoa. It only took until Wednesday for this photo to show up on TwitPic, attached to T-Pain tweeting, Ladies and gentlemen I've upgraded from loyal stalker. Get ready for K-Pain. We've got to think this is some bizarre publicity stunt, because T-Pain has been married with kids for years. He even responded to criticism for hugging up on Ke$ha with this retort on Wednesday: Just to let you guys know, I have the coolest wife of all time. So when you see me livin my life how I want, just. Know that I get approval from her first. I have no idea why I'm explaining this because no matter what you ppl say I'm still gonna live and have fun. Well, all right then. Forget the latest hurricane forecast, this is the scariest report we've seen in a long time.
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NEXT FIGHT:ARNOLD VS. LAWYERS
It's time for Arnold Schwarzenegger to retain O.J. Simpson's legal team, because two women who used to be in his life have employed some heavy hitters bound to bleed him dry. That explains why he has to go back to making movies.
People reports that wife Maria Shriver has tapped L.A. powerhouse attorney Laura Wasser, who has helped the likes of Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie, Ryan Reynolds and Nick Lachey. We could have predicted that, but meanwhile, RadarOnline says Little House on the Prairie alum Gigi Jeffers, a.k.a Gigi Goyette, has retained the services of Gloria Allred, who notably helped Tiger Woods' mistresses Rachel Uchitel and Joslyn James.
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Von Trier booted from Cannes
It turns out that apologizing for saying he was a Nazi and understood Adolf Hitler wasn't enough for Danish director Lars von Trier, because the Cannes Film Festival decided to ban him for violating the spirit of the meetup. You know, the one often featuring movies about the death of children, genocide, drug use and rape. "The festival's board of directors, which held an extraordinary meeting, profoundly regrets that this forum has been used by Lars von Trier to express comments that are unacceptable, intolerable and contrary to the ideals of humanity and generosity that preside over the very existence of the festival," organizers said in a statement, according to the New York Daily News. The director drew fire for saying during a news conference for his movie Melancholia that he was a Nazi because he found out his father was German, and understood Hitler as a person because of it. After being declared persona non grataat the festival, von Trier won't be allowed to collect a Palme d'Or, the festival's grand prize, if he even wins it, and has also drawn fire from Argentina, which announced it will not distribute Melancholia. That's too bad, because we hear the movie, starring Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg, was getting good reviews.
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Fred Armisen, Elisabeth Moss are divorced
It's officially official: Fred Armisen and Elisabeth Moss are divorced, PopEater reports. What would you get someone for an 8-month anniversary finale gift, anyway? The site says a judge in L.A. approved the split last week. Neither person was asking for spousal support, and listed irreconcilable differences as the reason for the marriage's dissolution. Rumor has it one of those differences was Moss' devotion to the Church of Scientology. Armisen, 43, has been tied to Saturday Night Live cohort Abby Elliot, the 23-year-old daughter of Chris Elliot, which just sounds weird. But as long as he gets to keep working on the next season of Portlandia, that's fine.
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Jeff Conaway is critical
Taxi and Grease alum Jeff Conaway, whom most Juice* faithful recall most recently from stints on Celebrity Rehab, was in critical condition in an L.A. hospital after an overdose of painkillers. The 60-year-old actor's manager, Phil Brock, told Reuters on Thursday that Conaway was in "critical but stable condition" and was "unconscious and unresponsive" after taking too many painkillers while sick with pneumonia. He was found in his home last week, and may have been alone for about 10 hours until he was found. Brock said Jeff "had been despondent in the last two months due to a girlfriend situation, but a week and a half ago he was much more upbeat." The manager also added that John Travolta had offered within the past month to send his old Grease castmate back to rehab, but Jeff hadn't decided yet. Conaway was recovering from back surgery, an ongoing issue since before his appearance on Dr. Drew Pinsky's show in 2008.
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Zsa Zsa is in trouble
In other health news, Zsa Zsa Gabor has been having a series of setbacks, including slipping into a coma, her husband told CNN. The 94-year-old actress has been struggling since having a leg amputated earlier this year. "She got into a little coma ... She doesn't respond," Prince Frederic von Anhalt told CNN, noting she was taken to UCLA Medical Center on Wednesday because a feeding tube in her stomach was "bleeding ... like a fountain." She was released from the same center a day before that after treatment for pneumonia. The pneumonia set in about two weeks ago, compromising the actress' breathing and leading to the hospital visit. Before Gabor's amputation, she had a hip replacement last summer after falling at her home and breaking it.