Jessica Simpson and Ashlee Simpson, sisters and blond scions of the Simpson entertainment empire, are coming to Tampa's International Plaza and Bay Street Saturday for a presentation at Dillard's. Jessica, as you know, is a gagillionaire more thanks to her successful lines of clothes and shoes than her music career. Ashlee? Well, uh. She's coming along to be a nice sister. The event, which runs from 1 to 4 p.m. at the lower level entrance, is a promotional stop for Jessica's fashion lines for women and girls. If you buy more than $50 of Simpson merchandise (Simpsondise?) you can get a picture and an autograph from these two.
I feel cold and emotionless when it comes to Ashlee, but I've never hidden the fact that I'm a Jessica fan. She's delightfully bumbling and honest to a fault, and when she feels gross she wears 8-inch platforms and caftans and just clomps down the street. Also, we're both Weight Watchers cadets, and I'd really love to go to a meeting with her and talk about how we blew our weekly points allowance on margaritas and Nachos Supreme, and then high five and get back on the wagon.
To get you pumped for the Simpsons mall takeover, let's take a look back at Jessica and Ashlee's best and worst fashion moments throughout their sisterly careers.
Remember when Jessica played Daisy Duke and then everyone got really into frayed booty jorts and small, pithy message tees for a minute? Yeah, glad that's over.
Jessica, queen of the promotional opportunity, took her Daisy character to the Superbowl in this ad for Pizza Hut. Cute waitress dress, but I remember ordering that pizza. The little popper bites just kind of fell off. Where is the crustal integrity? Pizza must be stabilized, it must be STRONG. Also, one slice of that is like 10 Weight Watchers points, Jess. Don't do it.
Aw, Jessica and Nick Lachey. You could tell it was all falling apart when Jessica got really overly orange and thin and dour and started letting her bra hang out and wore those cork-sole Louboutins all the time. And Nick was just like, "HEY, LADIES!" I'm glad they both came away looking a little healthier.
I would hypothesize that this was around the time Jessica sat on the couch watching back-to-back seasons of Mad Men, trying to channel the season two-ness of Betty Draper, except this was taken in 2006 before the show came out. So maybe Jessica knows more than we give her credit for, hmm?
Oh, the Tony Romo phase. Props for the adorable jersey and the luxurious hair, but there was no way this was going to work.
That became overly clear when the fans started cutting the eyes out of her photos like Robin Williams in One Hour Photo.
This was taken when Jessica performed at the Florida Strawberry Festival a few years ago. I reviewed the concert, so I saw it in person. It was right after the whole mom jeans chili cook-off debacle, and I think she was intent on showing off her body in something other than trousers from the underworld. Now, listen. I don't support wearing Kurt Cobain's flannel with scary cutoffs, an eyelet corset and the turquoise jewelry Shelley Long wore during the dues collection scene in Troop Beverly Hills. But no one had any right calling her fat.
A lot of people thought it was tacky for Jessica to announce her pregnancy last year dressed as a mummy on Halloween. I thought it was a scream. Girl, you wear your drag queen hair piece and get all punny with it. Yolo.
Jessica is not the only one with a storied report of interesting fashion choices. Onward to her little sister.
THANK YOU, photo archives, for reminding us all of the time Ashlee Simpson was in a movie called Undiscovered and wore a lot of camo and brooded and acted all angry because she would NEVER BE DISCOVERED. Thank you, and blessings.
The Simpson sisters both have a propensity to place belts where belts do not belong. One such area is atop a blue viscose tutu.
Berets are a sorely underused head dressing, can't we all agree? They're so cute and spunky. Look how excited all those fans are for that beret.
This was after the whole SNL lip-synching disaster. It has all the hallmarks of a classic celebrity boob distraction PR technique.
Red hair, a bold choice for Ashlee. The blond might suit her better, but it was nice to see her muster a smile after the dark acid reflux years.
Hey, remember when she was married to Pete Wentz and they had the same haircut? That was fun.
Here's Ashlee playing Roxie Hart in a West End production of Chicago. This was a smart move on multiple levels. No one can question your singing authenticity from the live dramatic stage, and she also really pulls off the vintage look. Pop... Six... Squish... to the mall!
Deal Diva Stephanie
Photos: AP, Getty, Times staff and files
Posted by Stephanie Hayes at 1:34:42 pm on November 14, 2012