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20 lines from the ‘Roseanne’ revival premiere that made you cringe, then laugh

Roseanne isn't polite, but she's still hilarious.
Roseanne Barr and Laurie Metcalf in the Roseanne revival. (ABC/Adam Rose)
Roseanne Barr and Laurie Metcalf in the Roseanne revival. (ABC/Adam Rose)
Published Mar. 28, 2018

Roseanne has never been polite or subtle when it comes to humor. And Tuesday's premiere of the revival kept that tradition going strong.

The whole Conner gang is back together again, but still dealing with some of the same issues and family drama it dealt with 20 years ago. Roseanne (Roseanne Barr) and Dan (John Goodman) are still heads of a working-class Midwest family, their daughters Darlene (Sara Gilbert) and Becky (Lecy Goranson) still bicker like children and Roseanne's sister Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) continues to have perfect comedic timing.

Previous coverage: The new 'Roseanne' is the political family fight we all need so we can just move on

Tuesday's premiere was a whirlwind of bringing us up to speed with what the characters are up to, feeling uncomfortable watching Roseanne and Jackie fight about political views and picking out the funniest lines.

Here are some of the most memorable, cringe-worthy and hilarious ones.

"I thought you were dead."

— Roseanne tells Dan after she wakes him up while he's wearing his sleep apnea mask.

"The insurance don't cover what it used to."

— Dan, who dubs himself "the candy man," joking about divvying up his and Roseanne's pain and blood pressure pills.

"He's exploring."

— Roseanne says to Dan about their grandson Mark (Ames McNamara, Darlene's son), who prefers to dress in skirts and fashionable tops.

Darlene: "I don't know, can I have some money?"

Harris: "You could have just said we were poor."

— Darlene's daughter, Harris (Emma Kenney), asks her mom for money, prompting Darlene to jokingly ask her mom, Roseanne, for money. Roseanne then throws her hands up and says "I don't know, can I have some money?"

"What's up, deplorable."

"How's that new healthcare all you suckers got promised?"

— The year-long political feud between Roseanne and sister Jackie culminates in them reuniting with the help of Darlene. But they don't make up before Jackie drops these one-liners.

"I can't remember where we hid our gun."

— Roseanne says to everyone after Jackie made a snide comment about "you people" clinging to the flag and guns.

"If only you hadn't killed off the most interesting character."

— Dan says to Roseanne upon finding her unfinished script about the family, a direct joke to the show killing off Dan in the previous season.

"Did you hear that, honey? My grandson's nails are wet."

— Dan says, laughing uncomfortably after Mark says he can't help set the table because his nails are wet.

"That's drywall, son."

— Dan says to Mark, after Mark says he likes his nail polish, too.

"Jackie thinks every girl should grow up to be president even if they're a liar, liar, pantsuit on fire."

— Roseanne says after Jackie tells DJ's daughter (Jayden Rey) that she can be anything she wants to be. She responds, "I want to train cats to bark."

"Jackie, would you like to take a knee?"

— Roseanne says to Jackie right before praying at the dinner table.

"Most of all, Lord, thank you for making America great again."

— Roseanne says, with no further explanation needed.

"We almost lost our house because of the way things were going."

— Roseanne says, arguing with Jackie about why she voted for President Donald Trump.

"It's her body, her decision."

— Jackie says after Becky arrives and announces she's going to be a surrogate to make some extra money.

"Don't be mean to your sister. She's an old woman trying to have a baby."

— Roseanne says to Darlene after the two sisters were bickering like old times.

"I thought I could buy a huge house I could hold over your head."

— Darlene says to Roseanne, crying about her situation as a single mom without a job and having to live with her parents again.

"I voted for Jill Stein!"

— Jackie says, guiltily admitting her voting choice after claiming Roseanne bullied her into doubting herself.

"We could be the same person!"

— Becky says to the woman for whom she's being a surrogate, who happens to be played by Becky 2, Sarah Chalke.

Contact Chelsea Tatham at Follow @chelseatatham.


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