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  1. Life & Culture

Ashton is highest-paid TV actor

Bar Refaeli complains: I can't get a boyfriend

Every guy looking for a date to your pal's Halloween party, listen up: Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover girl Bar Refaeli is pretty down and out about not being able to land a man. Here's your chance, as long as you're a rich and good-looking celebrity. Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll take none out of three. "I don't understand it," the 28-year-old tells Israeli newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth, according to the New York Daily News. "I'm okay. I look great. I'm cool. I like going out. I like being at home, I like movies, I like eating. So what's wrong with me? Why am I alone?" Maybe it's the former boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio. She tells the mag she was still so hung on him after six years she couldn't handle seeing him date Blake Lively. "I suddenly choked up and I started crying uncontrollably," she says about seeing photos of those two at a basketball game in 2010. "No one knows that I went back to my room and broke down in bitter tears. I couldn't stop crying." She says she's all better now, so it's time to go find what she really wants: "I'm looking for someone serious, who I can set up home with," she says. "Someone who comes from a warm, loving family like mine, who has values like mine. I'm very interested in going out with someone who is big and strong and famous." She then listed Ryan Gosling as her "wow" man, so we hope you've been doing your sit-ups. She also says she "wants to stay at home with the kids in the end." That's where the rich part comes in, so start searching your couch cushions.

Are you ready for a kinder, gentler, fuzzier Lady Gaga? The Born This Way singer will trade in a meat dress for a felt one when she teams with Jim Henson's lovable gang for Lady Gaga & the Muppets' Holiday Spectacular, which will air Thanksgiving night (Nov. 28) on ABC. Yep, Kermit & Co. have come a long, weird way since busting out carols with John Denver. We love this idea, of course, and it's a smart PR move for Gaga, who's been so flippin' weird lately to the point of alienating certain fans. With new album ARTPOP arriving Nov. 8, and first single Applause performing well if not gangbusters, she needs the chummy, I'm-not-totally-bonkers boost. (She's actually leaned on Muppet love before: She strutted a dress made of Kermit heads on a German TV show, and even took the frog himself as her date to the 2009 MTV VMAs.) Special guests Elton John, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, RuPaul and Kristen Bell will also appear on the offbeat variety show. All of this sounds wackably grand save for one lil' complaint: The 90-minute special doesn't start until 9:30 Thanksgiving night — not exactly prime family hour. C'mon, Lady G, even my no-good kids will be asleep by then! — Sean Daly

Shepard, Bell signed paperwork

Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell reportedly wed on Thursday, but there was no lavish ceremony involved. Instead, the pair ran off and got married at the Beverly Hills County Clerk's Office. Hey, have you priced party space rentals lately? The couple, who announced their engagement in 2010, allegedly went to the office just to get a marriage license, TMZ reports, but made the plunge after a court employee said they could just get married right then if they wanted to. They wanted to. The pair had put off tying the knot until gay marriage was legalized. Bell, 32, re-proposed to Shepard, 38, on Twitter this summer after the Supreme Court overturned the Defense of Marriage Act and California ditched Proposition 8. They have a daughter, Lincoln Bell Shepard, who was born in March. There was a photographer at the courthouse, so keep an eye on Twitter for that pic. So romantic!

Paul Hogan, wife Linda divorcing

Crocodile Dundee star Paul Hogan and his wife, Linda, are divorcing after 23 years, it seems. It just goes to show that meeting a co-star on the set of a goofy '80s movie and then starry in it's exponentially worse sequel and getting married for 23 years and having a son only leads to trouble in the end. Linda Hogan (nee Kozlowski) cited irreconcilable differences in her petition, TMZ reports. She wants spousal support and joint custody of their 15-year-old boy, Chance. She also wants to change her name back to Kozlowski sooner than later. The site notes that Paul is worth upwards of $20 million, which buys a lot of shrimp for the barbie. His rep described the split as amicable, although the site notes they sold their Malibu home to Chris Hemsworth in September. Hogan, 74, met Kozlowski, 55, during the making of the 1986 film that made him famous. That led to his divorce from first wife, Noelene Edwards, whom he had married in 1958, divorced in 1981, then remarried less than a year later. He married Linda in 1990, two years after the Crocodile Dundee sequel. So by that metric, he and Linda should remarry in a few months, then get divorced when he finds a cute 60-year-old.

Ashton Kutcher did more than just take Charlie Sheen's role on Two And a Half Men, he also took Charlie's old No. 1 spot on the Forbes list of highest-paid TV actors for the second year in a row. Next thing you know, Ashton will be doing coke and dating three strippers.

The magazine says Kutcher rung up $24 million between June 2012 and June 2013, paltry compared to Sheen's $40 million two years before, but since Charlie just barely managed the top 10 this year, Kutcher can probably live with himself (even if Jobs didn't rake it in). Ashton's co-star Jon Cryer came in second with $21 million, and the now-departed Angus Jones managed seventh with $11 million, but that half a man is long gone now, so don't expect him on here next year.

Ray Romano's turn on Parenthood and another Ice Age movie brought him in third for $16 million, while NCIS actor Mark Harmon and How I Met Your Mother's Neil Patrick Harris tied for fourth with $15 million.

Rounding out the top 10 is Grey's Anatomy's Patrick Dempsey ($13 million); Last Man Standing's Tim Allen ($11 million); then Jones; Dexter's Michael C. Hall ($10 million); and finally comeback kid Charlie Sheen, who has managed to score $10 million thanks to Anger Management. If only he'd been able to negotiate his syndication deal a little better.