Tell Me About It: Girlfriend's contempt for men is troubling

Published Mar. 21, 2018

Q: My girlfriend and I are both female, and she has always had some anti-male leanings, but she has become unhinged with the sexual harassment news in the last month. She posts things on social media like, "All men are pigs. Yes, I said all."

I pointed out that I have dear friends who are male and are wonderful to both of us, and that the single most important person in my professional life is a male mentor who has been nothing but kind and decent to me and every other person I've ever seen him around, man and woman alike. She says if there's a man I don't think is a pig, that's because I'm "blinded" by them acting charming.

Is there anything I can say or do to get my girlfriend to see things differently?


A: Your girlfriend has hatred in her heart, and has turned it upon just under half of the world. Worse, she sees nothing wrong with this. Worse still, she sees something wrong with people who see something wrong with this.

Worst of all, at least as it applies to the sustainability of your relationship, your own girlfriend has no respect for your judgment or worldview. Or you for hers.

As someone who will defend to the last a person's right to end a relationship over anything from bad kissing to reprehensible taste in pizza toppings — because if it matters to you then it matters — I have no hesitation in advising you to walk away from someone, promptly, who harbors such profound contempt. Contempt for you or for men, take your pick.

Or leave just for her utter failure to see the irony in her rage or to admit her own faults.

We measure one person at a time based on that person's actions, or we're wrong, sides notwithstanding.

It's time for your girlfriend to seek treatment for an anger so profound it's distorting her judgment. I suggest you urge it.

But I don't recommend you stick around to see whether she does.