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  1. Kids & Family

Tell Me About It: Couple's hurt by lack of interest in baby

Q: My husband and I recently had our first baby. My husband's brother and his wife are happily child-free and have shown zero interest in our daughter — they've never interacted with her, never ask about her, never respond to the few pictures my husband sends them, and have told us outright they "don't like babies."

Am I wrong to think it's generally polite to feign interest in things that are clearly important to people you love? Do we hope they take an interest when she's older? Or accept that our once-close relationship has changed for good?

Cold-Shouldered

A: Yes, it's generally polite for the people who love us to give some minimal level of a damn about the things we care about. Yes, people who avoid babies can become more interested as the child grows more interesting.

And yes, do accept the relationship has changed, because there was no way it wouldn't change after adding a child. What I don't suggest is tacking on the needlessly extreme "for good." Who knows what's in store. Maybe you'll keep drifting apart, maybe you'll get over this obstacle quickly, maybe you'll reconnect after peak child-immersion has passed.

I also suggest not letting stand their remark that they "don't like babies": "Few people in their right minds 'like' babies — we like you two, though, and miss you, and want Baby to know you as she grows up." Back that up by asking, talking and caring about their lives as well.

Anonymous 2: Babies are terrible. No one in their right mind likes babies. Once you have a kid, your brain chemistry is rewired to force you to think your baby is amazing. That's why we give them so much nurturing. The aunt and uncle will be more involved as the baby turns into an actual interesting person, rather than a selfish blob.

Carolyn: Indeed. I'm eternally grateful for the people in my kids' lives who adored and had a magic touch with babies.

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