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Tell Me About It: Find someone who embraces all of you

Published Jul. 25, 2014

Your self-confidence trumps losing weight for a boyfriend

Q: So, the guy I'm seeing has requested that I lose weight. I have not gained weight since we started dating, but I would like to lose weight and could certainly afford to lose 20 pounds.

This is strictly about attractiveness from his perspective, as far as I can tell. There was no verbiage about unhealthy habits or concern for well-being.

I do work out regularly, though probably not enough, and I love my evening wine. So, there's room for improvement. I don't know what to do while I lose weight or even if I can. This has affected my self-confidence.

Weighty Question

A: I almost didn't answer you because this column has already popped its buttons on the weight issue.

But this isn't (just) a weight issue. You're dating someone who dents your self-confidence versus enhancing it.

Buh-bye, right? Lose 180 pounds!

What's the point of his companionship if it brings you down?

Since I'll get feedback about weight anyway, I'll say this much: You can get thinner, sure. "Improve," sure. Who can't.

But: You got to your current shape not by being sick, apparently, or self-destructive, or depressed, or ignorant of self-care; you got there by being your workout-dabbling, wine-enjoying self. Logic dictates bypassing years of anguish and holding out for someone who adores your natural state.

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