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The Coronavirus Lonely Hearts Club: A collective poem

Online, people share their thoughts, their angst and their desire for company.

Under the cloud of mandated isolation, the lonely, late-night posts on Craigslist have only gotten lonelier. What follows is a mashup of frustrated desires — for companionship, love and all the rest — drawn verbatim from nearly 100 posts tossed into the void of the online message board. Each snippet was Florida-based, minimally edited and referenced the virus in some way.

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Good day to you all in a time where we’re all incredibly bored and nothing to do. Those of us that survived the toilet paper riots were forced into our homes to avoid catching the disease. Hard to meet new people when everything is closed, right?

I haven't had contact with anyone in days, I don't even know if there is an outside anymore.

With all this craziness going on, I just sit at home. Evenings, nights are so boring, alone. I gotta get out. Get away.....But where? Maybe Home Depot? Wawa? Publix? Lost my car and place because of this virus. Going crazy holed up in a hotel in Brandon. These sure are trying times! Let’s stay safe and text each other.

I’m watching too much TV probably eating too much too. I’ve been doing Zoom AA meetings and bible study. What’s everyone else up to?

Going nowhere, doing nothing. Watching endless news accounts about how we are all gonna end up dead or living in an isolated western state and eating cat food. Government ordering body bags in bulk. When is it going to stop?

Looking for a pen pal. Someone to chat and flirt with during this lockdown. A female that feels cooped up like I do. Not looking for miss perfect. Put flirting in the subject line. Think the movie You’ve Got Mail but quarantine edition lol.

I won’t lie, I didn’t think it would get this bad.

I just want to do simple stuff. Relax at the beach, go out for dinner, nature walk, conversations about life. We all need some kind of human contact. A genuine friend. Nothing more.

I enjoy cooking, hiking, fishing, walking at sunset, boating and all the things you can do during a quarantine. I have a large luxury home in Boca. I don't even remember how all the dating stuff works anymore. Would a lady like to speak? Where are you?

It’s warm, bright and we are quarantined. Movies, not now, dining, not now and light travel — nope, not now. This is the perfect time to work on us. Open to chat with anyone about anything. Emails are great, but being isolated...sometimes good to hear a voice.

After all, they can’t isolate fantasies, right?

Respond by smoke signal, Morse code.

I can hardly stand the news. I need new ideas. Any advice would be greatly held and savored. I’m healthy, not taking any risks, super crazy bored. Bored to tears. Home alone... Bored. TRYING TO FOLLOW RULES. Going a little Stir-crazy!

I've come to realize how far apart my wife and I have grown. Sparks that used to ignite romantic wildfires have dwindled to mere recognition. We're naught but ships silently passing in the night.

This social distancing has left this mature, middle age black male with crucial desires in the Brandon/Tampa area.

I am not a creep. I am a respectful Christian man. I am a normal good looking guy just wanting a completely legal dance again.

I’m 35, got supplies to last forever. I’m the average white guy. I have a one ton truck and a strong work ethic.

I have cable here. Let’s sit around and do nothing together. I know I’m supposed to social distance but I don’t wanna do it alone ! I have some party favors here, a ton of music (even karaoke !) and disco lights lol. Anyone wanna come over to my private club? Maybe walk on the beach.... sit poolside.... Possibly just hang out at the local island, depending on the wind. Or as dull as do laundry.

I have like 12 streaming apps and a whole bunch of brand new movie downloads to watch.

I’m pretty much willing to meet anyone decent. Romance is great if it goes that route. There’s too much stress out here in the world as it is, OK?

Home Bound & Restless, freaky and seeking a Netflix buddy. Have been in quarantine for over 14 days so you don't have to worry about me. You need to be good company and ready to be as active as possible under these restricted conditions. Please no drama, the Corona virus is doing enough.

Send me a pic (with or without a mask on your face).

Dating apps are a waste of my time with fake results. I’m not a scammer nor do I deceive. I am resorting to this cause I am 100% alone. My dog was suffering liver disease and I had to put him down. I am struggling even with help of my church family to grasp reality. Anyhow, enough of my sob story; what am I doing here?

I don’t care what your gender is. Just want to light that fire.

Life must go on. Be nice and reply back. Maybe when the dreaded scourge is over, we can meet.

Text me hurry before curfew.

I am a real person please be real. Please prove it by typing “tuesday” in the subject line. Well, I’m sure this will be flagged but anyway... If it’s the end of the world as we know it, let’s feel fine.

Anyone out there?

• • •

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