Walt Disney World is reopening to a limited number of guests on Saturday. This makes perfect sense. When Disney World closed in March, there were fewer than 200 coronavirus cases in Florida. Now, there are more than 200,000, with thousands of new cases every day. Meeska mooska!
You may be asking yourself, should I go to Disney immediately, because it is fun and I am bored? Here are some reasons to visit post-haste, rather than waiting for the virus outlook to improve.
1. It’s a Small World contains a magical amulet with the code to the coronavirus vaccine, coiled inside a vial behind the Italian gondolier, and only you can retrieve it.
2. Mickey ears ice cream bars apparently have an immune system booster that can ward off COVID-19 while also cooling us whimsically on a hot day.
3. The Epcot ball, a.k.a. Spaceship Earth, is actually a time travel portal that can take us back to the start of this year, at which point we can make entirely different decisions.
4. The Seven Dwarfs Mine Train leads deep into an underground bunker where each dwarf pulls off his mask. They are all Doc, and they are highly trained medical professionals.
5. All teachers get in free, because it’s the least we can do as we prepare to ritually sacrifice them.
6. The quest for hidden Mickeys eventually leads to a cavern, in which stimulus checks glimmer among untold gold doubloons.
7. The Animal Kingdom Tree of Life is actually a tree of life!!!
8. Ursula the Sea Witch offers a way out of this mess if we trade our mellifluous singing voices, but she can only be reached from noon to 1 p.m. at the taqueria near the Voyage of the Little Mermaid live stage show.
9. Fairy Godmother is running a similar scam involving lab mice at Cinderella’s Castle.
10. Annual passholder perks include full medical.
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