Look, we are a divided nation. But we have to unite on certain things. Currently, it is that black strand of spaghetti on the far right of the storm model above.
Florida is in the dreaded CONE OF UNCERTAINTY for Tropical Depression 13, expected to become Hurricane Laura, according to the National Hurricane Center. School is starting Monday, there’s a pandemic, everything is bad, et cetera. Do I have to say it? We do not need this.
It’s too early to know what’s going to happen, and no one should panic. Instead, let’s channel calm, focused energy to giving love and support to the prison break model from the South Florida Water Management District, updated just after 1 p.m. Thursday.
That little scamp is the CLP5, a path based on what similar storms have done. Experts say it’s actually not very useful, and it doesn’t have much to do with the forecast. It is the mysterious guy you saw once at the coffee shop and secretly hope to run into again.
Do not put all, or any, stock into the CLP5. Get your water and gas and tuna and Jim Beam and all that. However, if you choose to support the CLP5 and its campaign platform of Just Getting The Flarp Out Of The Way, here are things you can do.
- Colorful signs cheering it on, as if the CLP5 was running its first 5K. “You didn’t train this hard to stop now!” or something like that. “Hurrican’t? More like hurrican!”
- Quiet meditation or prayer.
- Direct donations to CLP5′s political action committee.
- GoFundMe? Is that allowed?
- Matching T-shirts, tank tops, cropped sweatshirts and CLP5 logo leggings.
If you want to read more about hurricane models, here’s a great piece from Christopher Spata. If you want the latest news on the once and future Laura, as well as tips on how to stay safe, follow our hurricane coverage right here.