Look around! Drink in the miraculous spoils of nature and think, “Wow, jealous.” Let’s check in with Florida’s majestic shorebirds, who do not have to participate in our rapidly deteriorating civil discourse.
This blue heron hanging out in Clearwater has no idea a fly landed on Mike Pence’s hair, nor who Mike Pence is. This bird only knows that flies are tasty morsels and will gladly have another.
Amazing! This eagle chillin' in Oldsmar is blissfully unaware he has been used to denote patriotism since 1782. He doesn’t want anyone to know he has never voted, because it would honestly look bad at this point.
Is President Trump coming to Florida for a rally while still positive for COVID-19? These black skimmer chicks on St. Pete Beach have no idea.
Is this Rainbow River cormorant worried about the advanced ages of both presidential candidates? Naw, man!
Watch this heron pluck this dead fish off St. Pete Beach, the way people pluck information that narrowly fits their worldview off the internet.
Just look at these roseate spoonbills, would you? They’re munching nutrient runoff in Safety Harbor while the rest of us Google “when did trump know coronavirus timeline bob woodward wuhan.”
This heron enjoys a quick snack on Spa Beach, which in no way is a metaphor for how the system has swallowed the proletariat!
Trade war with China? For these Three Rooker Island terns, it’s more like EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE-A.
Dang, these baby wood storks are living it up in Port Richey. Storks don’t know the difference between income tax and payroll tax, only how to build nests, incubate eggs and feed their young.
How many Florida felons are actually allowed to vote? How much election discord can one state handle? Will Florida be the nucleus of an unending legal morass? Can we still find purity and hope in the electoral process? Look, pelicans!
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