It’s a season of hope, a time to look to fruitful futures. For starters, the president of the United States of America, Dolly Parton, recently received her coronavirus vaccine.
This was noteworthy for a few reasons. She helped fund the life-saving shot that went into her arm. And it was injected by the friend who inspired her to get involved, Dr. Naji Abumrad.
But let’s not overlook a worthy component of this visual: the fashion. Dolly wore what is known as a cold-shoulder top, with cutouts strategically along the upper arm.
Several years ago, you couldn’t shake a stick at a Kohl’s without hitting this type of top. Regrettably, it is a bit out of style in 2021. Sorry; I am just the messenger, like Meryl Streep dressing down a rumpled Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada.
Does Dolly know this vibe’s time has passed? Surely. Dolly knows everything. She also knows that, despite trend forecasts, her top puts the “fun” in functional. She chose a version with nifty thumb holes, which made her look like a superhero. Most importantly, her shirt allowed for easy vaccine access in a public moment. Let’s face it. Cold-shoulder tops knew the coronavirus would be a thing before any of us.
While I wait my turn, taking in each detail of vaccine confusion, I will focus nervous energy into something pointless: Choosing the right vaccine lewk. Forget Gucci. This season, the runways are all about Moderna, Pfizer and Johnson & Johnson.
Layers are important. No one wants to end up like thirsty Olivier Véran, the health minister of France, who took his shirt halfway off in a titillating vaccine move. Or maybe you do, I don’t know what you’re into.
Some are turning this into a glamour extravaganza, perfect energy for those of us who have been trying on dresses in the mirror and taking them off all year. The winner of Vaccine’s Next Top Model is New York actor Ashlie Atkinson, who wore a sequined gown to her appointment.
Chilly? Consider a pair of opera-length gloves. They say, “I want to look chic and provide clear access to the intramuscular route of the deltoid.” Suits are a winning choice, as long as the sleeves are ripped off in the manner of The Incredible Hulk.
Maybe that’s a little much. It’s fine to stay simple, but dress with intention.
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To keep the line moving, choose a top with easy access, or at least elasticity. A T-shirt is great, but this is not the moment for a tight sleeve that won’t roll past your elbow. I am reminded of when I wore skinny jeans to a pedicure. Trust me, a nail tech’s eyes have never rolled so far back.
Another suggestion is a plastic Hefty bag with two large holes for the arms. Or have you considered a toga? All you need is a sheet and a belt. How about a poncho from your vacation in Niagara Falls? A burlap sack is elegant. So is the couch throw you have been clutching for 12 months, gathered up around your chest. Security blanket? More like ANTIBODY CRANK IT!
Whatever you choose to wear, just get there, and don’t forget your mask. Then, we can all get back to what really matters: getting dressed with no medical stakes involved.
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