It’s time to get a COVID-19 vaccine if you’ve done these things
Ever used a Q-tip? Life is one big risk.
Is this you? Are you unvaccinated? Let's talk.
Is this you? Are you unvaccinated? Let's talk. [ ANDREW VESELOV | AP ]
Published Aug. 3

Well, here we are. It’s like asking a kid to empty the dishwasher, and the kid stalls and whines, and you say, “You could have been done already, but you spent so much time complaining that now we’re fighting and the dishes are still in there.”

Willfully unvaccinated people have hastened the spread of the mutated, more contagious delta variant, like when Steve Urkel became Stefan Urquelle. As infections remain high — Florida leads the nation — it will continue to evolve. Rather than getting back to literally anything else, we are still talking about mandates to unmandate the mandates, mandated we have a mandate.

In America, vaccines are free and often as easy to get as Pringles at CVS. Still, some vaccine opponents are digging in on principle. Some are not moved by stories of unvaccinated people on deathbeds begging for help. Some don’t believe research that shows the vaccine is safe, that the benefits far outweigh the risks. Some are not willing to accept any risk, except the risk of COVID-19. Tangled in disinformation, some have lost all trust.

Related: We can’t endanger the lives of the many to humor the misconceptions of the few

But life is a one big morass of risk and trust, isn’t it? We believe in the greater good every time we get on the road. We trust that traffic lights will function, that people will stay in their lanes and follow the speed limit. We believe because we have to. And the truth is, we choose to participate in scary stuff all the time, willing to cast aside misgivings in the name of life.

Let’s examine some of those behaviors. It’s time for real soul-searching about the COVID-19 vaccine if you’ve ever:

Said the words, “It’s probably fine” while smelling expired mayo in the fridge.

Used one of those apps to become a Disney cartoon, uploading your image to God-knows-who.

Given your phone number and email to every cashier at a retail store within a 15-mile radius.

Played that game where you spread your hand on a table and quickly moved a butter knife between your fingers.

Enjoyed a five-Diet-Coke-a-day habit. Please do not hold up that mirror, I know what I did.

Texted “almost there” while driving, even though you were 27 minutes away.

Been on a bike without a helmet, because looking cool was more important than having a head.

Jumped out of an airplane, or any moving vehicle, for leisure.

Decided to get bangs.

Taken a mix of medications out of a Monday-Sunday plastic case, unable to remember which pill is which.

Graciously accepted your first cocktail at 10 a.m.

Let a “friend” with a needle and an ice cube pierce or tattoo anything on your person.

Stuck a cotton swab in your ear, even though the package suggests they are for applying eyeshadow on a miniature doll.

Decided to drive from Tampa to Orlando around 5 p.m. on a weekday.

Shot off a box of fireworks called DIVORCE COURT from a residential driveway after several Coors Lights.

Purposely got into a dysfunctional relationship because you are reliving a fractured childhood.

Allowed your kids to do basically anything.

Received vaccines for chickenpox, diphtheria, flu, hepatitis A and B, measles, mumps, polio, rotavirus, rubella, shingles, tetanus or whooping cough, and enjoy not having those things thanks to the miracle of science.

Related: Read more columns from Stephanie Hayes

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