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What’s it like to take an at-home COVID-19 test?
Can’t get an appointment at a pharmacy? Do it yourself with one of these.
 
An Abbott BinaxNOW COVID-19 test available at pharmacies for less than $25.
An Abbott BinaxNOW COVID-19 test available at pharmacies for less than $25. [ STEPHANIE HAYES | Times ]
Published Aug. 18, 2021

The test sat on the bathroom counter, marinating. The little pink line needed 15 minutes to develop, and I had to walk away or I’d go bananas.

No, it wasn’t a pregnancy test. Everyone knows you get those results while slumped against the bathroom wall in a chunky cardigan with a Sarah McLachlan song playing. This was my first at-home COVID-19 test, but taking it did feel like awaiting some kind of birth.

I’d had a slight sore throat and congestion. Maybe it was Red Tide, or allergies, or a cold, or the fact that we’re renovating our house and unearthing the mummy Imhotep. I also was tired all the time, but I believe the medical community calls that “being alive.”

In normal times, I wouldn’t think twice about a sinus blip. But sneezing in 2021 is the butterfly effect. It sets off a wave of events that ends with Ashton Kutcher passing a mysterious woman on the street.

I’ve got two Pfizer shots in me, but breakthrough cases are happening in this delta variant surge. The good news is, the vast majority of vaccinated people will not end up in serious peril. I was more worried about spreading it. We had plans to see friends, and we’ve got an unvaccinated child.

After a period of Googling “IS IT DUST OR CORONAVIRUS?” it was time to take action. The questionnaire on CVS and Walgreens websites went like:

“Do you have symptoms, or live in a COVID-19 hotbed?”

Mon amie, have you heard of Florida?”

“Lol, you should get tested.”

“Great.”

“There are no tests available.”

Related: How do we handle the hopelessness? | Column

With public demand for testing high again, new centers have opened in Tampa Bay. But getting a free test, it seemed, was not going to be rapid. Time to spend perfectly good ice cream money on a do-it-yourself test kit.

The FDA has approved a variety of at-home COVID-19 tests for emergency use. Three are available without a prescription: Abbott’s BinaxNow and Quidel’s QuickVue, around $25, and Ellume’s COVID-19 Home Test, around $35. They’re not as sensitive as a lab version and won’t pass muster on a flight requiring a PCR test. There’s also a small chance of false positives or negatives. But experts say they are effective and accurate.

I grabbed a BinaxNow at CVS. At home, I carefully read the instructions, unlike when I used to do my own highlights.

The kit comes with two tests, each with a book-shaped card, swab and vial of magical potion. You lay the card flat and drop in solution. Then, it’s swirl time, 15 seconds per poor, exhausted nostril. That swab goes into the card to process while you ponder where to put a nursery... wait, that’s the other thing.

It was not hard but a bit nerve-wracking. Soon, I had a lovely negative test and could go about life with more peace. If it was positive, I would have followed up with a lab test. Binax suggests using the second test three days after the first to be extra sure.

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It’s a shame home kits are cost-prohibitive for some. They’re great to have on hand before a concert or a dinner with Nana, or, you know, before sending our children into the lawless schools of Florida. Yes, you might be tempted to slip further into dystopian cognitive dissonance as you swab, but grab your cardigan. These days, that’s what the bathroom floor is for.

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