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Florida gets out goobered by Texas’ abortion ban | Column
Now the Sunshine State’s leaders in Tallahassee are likely to try to pass their own similar abortion ban.
Abortion rights supporter Sarah Pope, left, and abortion opponent Katherine Aguillar, second from left, demonstrate at the Capitol in Austin, Texas, while the Texas Senate debates an abortion bill.
Abortion rights supporter Sarah Pope, left, and abortion opponent Katherine Aguillar, second from left, demonstrate at the Capitol in Austin, Texas, while the Texas Senate debates an abortion bill.
Published Sep. 9

A simple question for you, gentle reader. What do you suppose the next insanity will be coming our way out of Texas? Requiring all women to wear 10-gallon burqas? Except, of course, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

After all, the Republican controlled Loya Jirga ruling over the Lone Star State has much more in common with the Taliban than it does Bunker Hill.

Daniel Ruth
Daniel Ruth [ Tampa Bay Times ]

Both groups want to oppress women. They are both dominated by religious fanatics. They both abhor the thought of free and fair elections. They both have no use for things like science and reality. And they both are big fans of people roaming the streets openly awash with guns without the irritation of a permit.

Forget Kabul. Do you think what we really need is an airlift out of Texas for people wanting to escape a theocracy of crazy?

In recent days the mullahs in Austin approved a new law making it virtually impossible for a woman to obtain an abortion by imposing a ban on the procedure after six weeks, when most women don’t even know they are pregnant.

Then again most of the members of the Texas legislature barely know they are alive, so to them six weeks must seem like an eternity.

And let us not forget the Texas pro-demagoguery bill also prohibits an abortion even in the case of a pregnancy caused by rape or incest. Cue the forehead slap.

As well, anybody, even if you live in Walla Walla, or Cleveland, or presumably Kandahar can bring a civil lawsuit against anyone remotely involved in assisting a woman who ends a pregnancy, including for example an Uber driver who delivers someone to an abortion clinic. Might this spawn a new reality television series? “Dawg the Uterus Hunter”?

Of course all this jibber-jabber about restricting the rights of women is grounded in the dubious argument that Texas must be turned into something out of “The Handmaid’s Tale” in order to preserve the sanctity of life.

But after the child is born states like Texas (and Florida) don’t give a rat’s patootie what happens to the kiddo. Better schools? Please. Expanded Medicaid funding? Cue the pearl clutching. How about state-funded child care? A George Soros-inspired communist plot if there ever was one. Or how about a state trust fund that would help with all the expenses associated with raising the result of an unwanted pregnancy forced upon the mother by a cabal of right-wing zealots? Well, it was just a thought.

Meanwhile, these same moralizing pols conducting a Jihad against pregnant women think nothing of making it easier for Texans to shoot each other by all but abandoning any semblance of rational gun control in the state. So much for pro-life.

You could probably argue if the Texas war lords want to turn the state back to the 14th Century that’s their business. It is true elections have consequences and Texans can rightfully claim it has the government it deserves even if it includes a 21st Century version of the Salem witch trials (presided over by the U.S. Supreme Court), with a side of barbecue.

Ah, but there’s a problem.

Craven political imbecility is, (alas) also contagious.

Why the ink was barely dry on the Austin ayatollahs’ abortion bill before Florida’s own star chamber started suggesting pregnant women in the state might soon find themselves under the jack-boot (or jack-stirrups, perhaps?) of Tallahassee.

Republicans Gov. Ron DeSantis and Florida Senate President Wilton Simpson both suggested they sort of liked the Texas anti-abortion bill and would certainly explore ways to implement a similar piece of legislation for the state.

What this means is the tone-deaf governor, who is quickly proving he is more clueless than a sack of Newsmax anchors, simply refuses to be out-goobered by a bunch of tin horn misogynists wearing bad cowboy hats.

You can rest assured by the time the Sunshine State’s Gilead gets done plagiarizing the Texas anti-abortion legislation it will be illegal for women to even think about terminating a pregnancy, chastity belts will be required for all females (except for Tallahassee lobbyists), abortion clinics will be converted into DeSantis campaign offices, and all Floridians will be prohibited from watching “Cider House Rules”.

Take that, Texas. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to out-Elmer Gantry Tallahassee’s craven vagina vigilantes.