As Tampa Bay’s distended housing market evolves like a deranged Pokémon, you may have been tempted to peruse a local open house. Or, you may have developed a habit of neurotically browsing real estate listings, wondering how long you will be captive in your current situation. Haha, who would do that???
The listings embody le spirit of the times: “With a little ingenuity, a fifth loan and a years-long commitment to cohabitating with a contractor named Timmy, you might be able to get, eh, 20% closer to the home of your dreams. Room for pool!”
To pass time until the inevitable financial fallout, let’s play a game. Your mission is to decide if the following listings for homes in the $500,000 range are real, or if I made them up. The answer key is at the bottom. Don’t cheat, unless unimportant acts of rebellion make you feel alive in a world evading your understanding, in which case, proceed.
1. Opportunities abound for the creative buyer. Kitchen pantry could be converted into a home office, nursery, wet bar or reading nook.
2. Paint throughout!
3. 5 min to the new TESLA FACILITY.
4. Sip coffee while gazing on a retention pond water view from three exposures.
5. This is not in a flood zone like most homes in the area.
6. Location, location, location! Only six miles from Publix, 12 miles from middle/high school and a quick 45-minute drive to restaurants, shops and nightlife.
7. You could rehab this cozy home and sit poolside, you could tear it down and build your dream home in one of South Tampa’s most desirable neighborhoods, or you could build a second home on the property and use it as an in-law suite or a rental opportunity (buyers are encouraged to do their due diligence and confirm with City and County exactly what is allowed).
8. Historic smell will transport you to another era.
9. Let’s start with the front porch. In a time before the hustle and bustle that we live in now there were front porches. A place to congregate with neighbors and sip on your favorite beverage, a nice opportunity to unwind before dinner.
10. Situated just steps from the highway, the sound of cars will lull you to sleep at night. Easy airport access!
11. Has a tenant you can keep if you wish, he has no lease, month to month.
12. Sold as is. Needs extensive renovation, priced accordingly.
13. The Family Room could be a 3rd Bedroom. There is a Large Closet That Allows for A Lot of Storage Space. The Current Owner used it as an Additional Pantry, Storage, And for Hanging Clothes. The Washer/Dryer in the Garage used to be in the Closet in the Family Room… plumbing is still there so very easy to move back.
14. All windows fully functional, roof in place, floors level, termites have been recently eradicated.
15. Open the slider doors and windows during the cool months and your guests can move about with ease.
16. This home boasts a kitchen.
17. And when you have yard waste, no worries, there is an abundance of receptacles.
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18. Washer & dryer doesn’t convey!
19. Neighbor with large political flags bearing F-word is actually nice guy.
20. This Saint Petersburg one-story home offers a patio.
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