The U.S. Supreme Court of party poopers strikes again | Column
The justices who overturned Roe v Wade are as out of touch as Lawrence Welk, writes guest columnist Daniel Ruth.
The U.S. Supreme Court building in Washington, D.C..
The U.S. Supreme Court building in Washington, D.C.. [ DANIEL SLIM/AFP | Getty Images North America ]
Published Jul. 7, 2022

Welcome to the United States of Gilead.

You! Yeah you the one with the, ahem, breasts! Put that chastity belt on now! And cover those legs. You know how they drive the likes of the Supreme Court, especially Justice Samuel Alito, into testosterone distraction.

Daniel Ruth.
Daniel Ruth. [ Tampa Bay Times ]

There are advantages to getting older. As a product of the sex, drugs and rock n’ roll generation, let’s just say the 1960s were … uh … how to say this politely? Fun?

That probably makes me a really bad Catholic. But I’ve been a really bad Catholic for more than 60 years. On the other had I’ve had over a half century of committing some really wonderful sins.

Then there is the makeup of the nation’s highest court. You might well regard the majority that voted to overturn Roe v. Wade as being more out of touch with American society than Lawrence Welk. And they are.

You could also regard these folks as a gaggle of fuddy-duddies who are shocked, shocked I tell you at the mere glimpse of a well-turned ankle.

The court has essentially overturned Roe and left the issue of abortion to the states, many of which have acted with great swiftness to deny millions of women control over their own bodies, a right to privacy and a life where the uterus has become an object of the whims of autocratic big government control.

To be sure the irony (or hypocrisy) of the court’s decision has not been lost on at least those who are capable of a sentient thought.

Days before the Roe decision was announced the court ruled against the power of individual states to impose gun control laws. But it is perfectly fine for those same states to inflict draconian anti-abortion restrictions on its female citizens.

So much for equal protection. So much for states’ rights. And we can safely assume the high court takes a rather flexible view of the sanctity of life. No abortions, but feel free to gun down as many people as you want.

But wait! There’s even more insanity waiting between the sheets.

Associate Justice Clarence Thomas has harrumphed that Roe may be only the first step in transforming the nation into The Handmaid’s Tale of the Potomac.

If he gets his way, Thomas would like the highest court in the land to also revisit prior court decisions that overturned prohibitions on the use of contraceptives and other things like LGBTQ rights and same-sex marriage.

We pause here briefly to note that Mrs. Thomas appears to wield unusual influence on her husband’s legal philosophy. For some couple’s pillow talk involves a bit of cooing and perhaps naughty discussions about the virtues of mink oil. The Thomases, it seems, turn the lights down low and whisper sweet nothings about Pat Buchanan’s “Culture War” speech at the 1992 Republican Convention, which the late columnist Molly Ivins insisted probably sounded better in the original German.

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There were those who scoffed at any suggestion that the court would ever deny people the right to use contraceptives and the right to marry the person they love. But this is a country that has denied the Environmental Protection Agency from protecting the environment. This is a country that still thinks it is perfectly swell for an 18-year-old to purchase an AR-15. This is a country that is quickly taking steps to whitewash American history to the point where slavery was merely a modest misunderstanding. This is a country where a once respectable political party now officially defines the Jan. 6 insurrection as simply an expression of free speech. And this is a country where a grifting, lying, seditious traitor is still the frontrunner for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination.

So is it too far-fetched that simply buying a condom will be outlawed? Or that millions of LGBTQ Americans will be forced back into the dark closet, or denied the right to marry, or be discharged from the military, simply because Clarence Thomas got his bloomers in a wad?

Maybe it has been a while for Clarence, but it’s an inalienable fact of life that people like to fool around.

Perhaps Cole Porter explained it perfectly when he wrote:

“Birds do it, bees do it. Even educated fleas do it.”

Porter went on to note the Dutch, Finns Argentines, even lazy jellyfish do it. We all, more or less, do it.

Can’t making whoopee be free of Grand Inquisitors of Sex on the U.S. Supreme Court of party poopers?