Quite clearly someone called Taylor Swift is a clear and present danger to America, or at least she is in the dark, gloomy, grumpy, easily offended corners of the Donald Trump People’s Temple of Twaddle.
This communist, Marxist, socialist, uber liberal tyrant-in-waiting simply cannot be tolerated, allowed to subvert the body politic.
Months ago, Swift unleashed her malevolent powers when she encouraged her fans that it might be a nice thing if they went out and registered to vote. Oh the Blofeld terror of it all!
Worse yet, tens of thousands of Swifties actually — we pause here to clutch some pearls — actually went out and registered to vote, lurching the country to the precipice of anarchy.
If these gullible youths could be so easily persuaded to commit an act of democracy, why the next thing you know they might actually vote. Where does it end?
You know full well where it ends. When people vote, sometimes the candidate wins. And if that candidate is a Democrat, Fox News and its weaker sisters Newsmax and One America News start losing control of their bodily functions. It isn’t pretty. Fun, perhaps, but not pretty.
And that might explain why Taylor Swift and her current boyfriend, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, have caused such a paroxysm of mouth foaming among some of the more prominent caterwaulers on the Fox Axis of Whining.
Host Jeanine Pirro cautioned Swift, “Don’t get involved in politics; we don’t want to see you there.”
She is absolutely right. How dare Swift express an opinion? This free speech nonsense is such an inconvenience when people start saying what they think. And getting involved in politics? That should be the domain of true professionals like Matt Gaetz.
Pirro’s unhinged rant was certainly understandable. It is rumored Swift may well endorse President Joe Biden’s reelection. And for a 81-year-old candidate who is struggling to appeal to younger voters, having the world’s most prominent pop star and her nearly 300 million Instagram followers would certainly help.
Clearly something foul is afoot. And thanks to the nation’s vast sewer system of conspiracy theories, we know what it is. Swift is a tool of the Pentagon. And thanks to Trump’s poodle Vivek Ramaswamy, who has gone into full insane Col. Kurtz mode, we learn Swift’s relationship with Kelce is a contrived romance by the NFL who already has rigged the Super Bowl pitting the Chiefs and San Francisco 49ers, in favor of Kansas City.
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This makes total sense, too, especially if you are more naïve than a Trump contributor.
It should be noted Kelce hasn’t helped himself. Not only is he dating a billionaire music superstar, he has also done public service announcements encouraging people to get a COVID vaccine shot. Kelce endorsing crazy gibberish like science is a MAGA mortal sin, when everyone knows a shot or two of Mr. Clean works even better.
Sure Biden might well capture the Taylor Swift endorsement. But will it really help when you consider the firepower Trump has lined up to sing his praises?
Where to begin? The list filled with a host of F-listers, the envy of George Santos.
Trump has locked down the blessings of New York’s Naked Cowboy, who walks the streets in his briefs strumming a guitar.
Jerry Falwell Jr., the creepy disgraced evangelical whatever, is fully on board. So is Randy Quaid, who is even more nuts than Alex Jones. Cry your heart out, Taylor!
Ted Nugent and Kid Rock have Trump’s ever-expanding back. And Roseanne Barr can be reliably called upon to sing the national anthem at a second Trump swearing in ceremony.
But we’re only getting started with the who’s who of Trump’s brain trust.
Defrocked Fox Trump propagandist Tucker Carlson has signed up. And so has Bill O’Reilly, who was driven from his Fox anchor chair after a sexual harassment claim, and will no doubt shore up the family values wing of the campaign.
Let us not forget noted misogynist Andrew Tate, who has been charged in Romania with human trafficking, rape and overseeing a criminal enterprise to sexually exploit women, has endorsed Trump.
Well they do have so much in common. And who could deny that Tate would be critical in delivering that all important sexual predator vote?
Trump also probably has secured the loyalty of the Proud Boys, or at least the ones who aren’t in jail for trying to overthrow the country.
Alas not a peep from an offended Jeanine Pirro over Trump’s dubious supporters.
As Taylor Swift might say, “You need to calm down.”