Ernest Hooper: I’ve got trust issues

If you’re trying to figure out who you can trust, maybe you should start with who you can’t trust.
A view of the State Road 56 overpass of Interstate 75 westbound in Wesley Chapel.  A diverging diamond interchange will be constructed at I-75 and SR 56.  [OCTAVIO JONES   |   Times(2018) ]
A view of the State Road 56 overpass of Interstate 75 westbound in Wesley Chapel. A diverging diamond interchange will be constructed at I-75 and SR 56. [OCTAVIO JONES | Times(2018) ]
Published March 4
Updated March 4

In a world of cell phone scams, corrupt public officials and lying businesses, we may wonder who we can trust.

Perhaps, however, we’re better served identifying what we can’t trust. With apologies to Bell Biv DeVoe, whose famous line will go unmentioned in this family-oriented column, we give you this list to help guide you in life.

Never trust a guy who brings a parrot or a ferret to a bar. …

Never trust a menu that doesn’t list prices. …

Never trust a skinny chef. …

Never trust a guy with a Velcro wallet. …

Never trust a politician who wants to destroy the public school system in the name of “choice.” …

Never trust an expiration date. …

Never trust a product that says low-this or less-that. …

Never trust a girl who says, “He’s just a friend.” Oh baby, you got what I need.

Never trust someone who says, “Trust me.” …

Never trust a candidate who tries to buy your vote. …

Never trust someone who doesn’t like Earth, Wind & Fire’s September.

Never trust a person who wears athletic shoes with no socks. …

Never trust a guy who says, “I’m not sexist, but ...”

Never trust a person who says, “It’s not about the money.” …

Never trust a person who says, “Smell this.” …

Never trust someone who says only they can fix it. …

Never trust anything that starts with, “World’s Best.” …

Never trust a road construction project to end when they say it will end. …

Never trust people who can’t laugh at themselves. …

That’s all I’m saying.

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