Advertisement
  1. Opinion

Sick, but not too sick to write a column

When Ernest Hooper finally saw a doctor, he said his coughing fits went away, and he could speak with the clarity of Lester Holt. [Times (2018)]
Published Aug. 18

Is it just me, or do other people sit at home with a cold and then magically feel better when they go see the doctor?

You know, at home you endure a coughing spell that makes you feel like your lungs are endangered, followed by a triple sneeze that threatens to implode your head.

But as soon as you walk into the urgent care center, your blood shot eyes clear, your runny nose dries up and you start breathing like you're atop the Canadian Rockies.

By the time the doctor walks in, you look better than you did as a high school senior and try as you might to muster up a violent hack or super sneeze, you speak with the clarity of Lester Holt on the NBC Nightly News.

The doctor, with a look that says why are you wasting her time, hands you a flyer that explains the medical logic behind not issuing antibiotics for simple viruses. Then, she tells you to go home, try Mucinex and they charge you $100.

So, you walk into the house feeling dejected and boom: quadruple sneeze followed by a 37-minute cacophony of coughing that prompts your family to roll you into a walk-in closet and hang the quarantine sign on the door handle.

Look, I read the flyer. I now understand the science behind not handing out antibiotics like they come in a Pez dispenser, but just to soften my wounded pride, how about this?

Give me a placebo that looks like a horse pill (preferably cherry-flavored), let's pretend that my simple cold is some kind of rare affliction and unlike every other patient, I deserve special treatment.

No matter how innocuous, I would gladly pay $100 for that brand of love. And I might even end up feeling better.

That's all I'm saying.

ALSO IN THIS SECTION

  1. Here’s what readers had to say in Sunday’s letters to the editor.
  2. Editorial cartoon for Saturday/Sunday Andy Marlette/Creators Syndicate
  3. Stock photo. MORGAN DAVID DE LOSSY  |  Getty Images/iStockphoto
    I’m a new mom -- again -- and please remember that many mothers would welcome government policies that make it easier for them to stay home with their kids than returning to work. | Column
  4. Josh Hensley, 43, was found in the waters of Kings Bay in Crystal River. He was known for dressing as Jack Sparrow. Facebook
    Here’s what readers had to say in Saturday’s letters to the editor.
  5. David Colburn was the former provost and senior vice president of the University of Florida. JAMIE FRANCIS  |  Tampa Bay Times
    He believed that diversity is our strength, and that the way to overcome division is to shine light in dark corners, writes Cynthia Barnett.
  6. Adam Goodman, national Republican media consultant
    With Washington once again failing to embrace reforms following mass shootings, it’s up to Americans to create a movement to demand change. | Adam Goodman
  7. Couple, Lewis Bryan, 36, (back left) and Amber Eckloff, 33, pose for a portrait with their children, (From left) D'Angelo Eckloff, 14, Rasmus Bryan, 4, Ramiro Bryan, 10, Lothario Bryan, 6, and Alonzo Bailey, 17. The family has been living at the Bayway Inn on 34th St S. Friday, Aug. 30, 2019 in St. Petersburg.  MARTHA ASENCIO-RHINE   |   TIMES  |  Tampa Bay Times
    When about 40 percent of city households are spending more than 30 percent of their income on housing, something has to change.
  8. A judge ruled in June that it is up to Hillsborough County Commissioners to decide how much money the bus agency and other transportation projects get from the one-cent transportation sales tax voters approved in November. The board did just that this week.[SCOTT KEELER   |   Times]
    Hillsborough commissioners follow through on transportation funding.
  9. From left to right: Florida Department of Transportation workers inspect damage to the Interstate 175 overpass at Sixth Street S caused by a roll-off dumpster truck that left its hydraulic arm upright, according to St. Petersburg police [JAMES BORCHUCK | Tampa Bay Times]; Former Pinellas school guardian Erick Russell, 37, is accused of pawning the Glock 17 9mm semiautomatic pistol, body armor and two magazines he was issued to protect students [Pinellas County Sheriff's Office]; Johnna Lynn Flores [AUSTIN ANTHONY | Tampa Bay Times] Tampa Bay Times
    Here are three examples of routine information Tampa Bay governments kept from the public this week.
  10. Clearwater Mayor George Cretekos; Florida state Sen. Tom Lee presides over the Senate's committee on infrastructure and security in Tallahassee, Fla., Monday, Sept. 16, 2019. The committee is considering new legislation to help address mass violence. (AP Photo/Bobby Caina Calvan) Times files/Associated Press
    Clearwater Mayor George Cretekos and state Sen. Tom Lee speak up. When will others?
Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement